By Peter Kimani
The clasped hands -symbol of the newly launched United Democratic Front, is an abiding mark of brotherhood and solidarity-particularly if one adds their slogan, tuko freshi (we are fresh).
But the distinction of "coolness" belongs to Poa-the Party of Action that Raphael Tuju launched the other day.
By that token, one might say Musalia Mudavadi -lets call him Double M-is a poor imitator in the realm of cool.
His claim to coolness, or freshness, has a ring of authenticity given that, at 52, Double M can act "youth" with believability.
After all, it's only seven years since he outgrew the demography identified as "youth," and his inheritance of Sabatia Constituency, following the death of his father Mudamba Mudavadi was all about infusing youthful ideas to an arena suffocating under stale ideas, rather than familial perpetuation.
But the freshest idea of all is that Double M is offering his candidature for the seat of Prezzo after decades languishing in the shadows of others, first Uhuru Kenyatta, also known as UK, and later Tinga. Taking the podium this week at KICC, Double M's cheeks puffed like a trumpeter, he seemed to stumble over the words, "President of the Republic of Kenya," so that the words came out as a smudged peroration.
This does not mean his ambition is neither realistic nor reasonable; Double M's simply needs to polish his act and sound more presidential.
metaphor of meat
While this lack of entitlement can be disarming, his erstwhile allies do not think so.
Ababu Namwamba, rather than tend to his flood-ravaged constituents in Budalangi, was busy accusing Double M of behaving as though he were the "only fish in the pond," while the ODM is a sea where fishes of all sizes find easy nurture.
One might say big fish in that pond eat the small ones. Amason Kingi, having grown near an actual ocean, steered clear of such gigantic imageries and settled on the solid metaphor of meat.
"You cannot separate meat from soup," Kingi said, inferring that Double M has to quit all positions that emanate from his ODM ties, including that of Deputy Prime Minister's and MP.
"If the doctor prescribes one cannot eat meat, and one decides to boil the meat and consume the soup, it is still one and the same thing," Kingi philosophised.
Such metaphors are useful; they all relate to eating which demonstrate the importance of food in political rituals.
and sleepwalkers
Then Tinga arrived at dawn with the animal riddles he likes best. "I have ears but I have not heard any insults. I have not seen any insults. It is like a hyena accusing a goat of insulting him," Tinga said, discounting claims that some ODM supporters had insulted Double M. The hyena is often used by Tinga to express political avarice, equating any gestures to retrieving a piece of meat from a hyena¡¯s mouth.
I attribute the mix-up to Tinga's sleep deprivation, having heard him speaking on the BBC at dawn, and later at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport.
In his sleepwalking and talking, he said some flattering things about Prezzo, whom he called "gentlemanly" on the BBC, "when not under the influence of extremists on his side." Or perhaps it is I who was groggy with sleep, and so failed to decipher the cunning in Tinga's different messages for different audiences reserving hyena narratives for those he considers treacherous, as his sidekicks harked about fishes and bowls of soup.
Luminous colours as backup to light bulbs using kerosene
Kenya Power boss Joseph Njoroge is a brave man. On one stormy night recently, he made his way to a local TV station and offered to answer all questions relating to erratic power supply in the country that makes the act of transmitting this copy to the newsroom a veritable miracle.
Why, Njoroge says, the rains have "taken away" posts and cut the power lines, and which his men are handicapped in fixing quickly enough as they use the same road networks as everybody else.
The only sure thing, if we were to believe Njoroge, is the lightning, which the man says, is another form of electricity. I wanted to propose Njoroge harnesses lightning, or lightening, as he insisted, but one viewer had the temerity to wish the lightning strikes the brave man of Kenya Power. I bear no such ill-will for the man who displayed such pragmatism: he wore a luminous green tie to the studio, just in case he needed the illumination in case of power outage.
wisdom of Einstein
But the icing on the cake was Njoroge's explanation that Kenya Power is not a big-headed monopoly that needs taming. "We are not a monopoly," Njoroge said with humility, suddenly looking bigger than the studio seat, the luminous tie bulging over the belly, like a spider carrying an egg.
"There are other sources of energy like kerosene and firewood," a bright-eyed Njoroge elucidated with the wisdom of Einstein explaining the Theory of Relativity. You cannot use kerosene or firewood to light a bulb, one viewer retorted. Njoroge sunk in his seat.
Midiwo's cry in the wilderness should be taken more seriously
Many people think Gem MP Jakowo Midiwo has been crying wolf, quite literally in the wilderness. He claims there is a plot to assassinate Tinga, and publicly mentions names of individuals that he says are privy to the scheme.
Director of Public Prosecutions Keriako Tobiko says Midiwo's claims are rubbish, and orders his arrest.
There is a phrase good old Jomo liked to use: wanaume ni kuonana (men face each other head-on), presumably to sort their differences once and for all.
But Midiwo knows better than that. Rather than face Tobiko upon his return from India, or wherever he was, Midiwo gets lawyers to lift the arrest order, and quietly makes his way to Kisumu upon his return, from where makes more "wolf" claims. One might be tempted to believe Tobiko¡¯s assertion that Midiwo is playing to the gallery.
wolf cries
But I believe Midiwo is clear enough about what he is claiming. After all, he is a man of sound mind, and simply cannot keep on bluffing about issues of such great magnitude, in a society where violence has been used with such reckless abandon. Or is it Midiwo who is displaying recklessness with sustained wolf cries, to the point of allowing his imagination to run away with him?
