What’s good for the goose is rarely, if ever, good for the gander, writes MATILDA NZIOKI

Gender double standards have been the focus of considerable research since the last century. It has been defined as a situation where one thing is tolerable for one group but deplorable for another. The Merrriam Webster dictionary describes double standards as the unjust application of different sets of principles for similar situations. Let us look at some of today’s common examples.

He’s a stud, she’s a slut

Chicks: Being sexually active is usually branded as ‘loose’. Even more amazing is the guy who sleeps with such a chick and calls her names the next day. Surprisingly, women are ringleaders in judging their fellow women’s sexual behaviour. A research done by one Spreadbury in 1982 found that women were more likely to term other women’s sexual behaviours as promiscuous than men’s sexual behaviours, indicating that women supported the sexual double standard.

Dudes: The dudes on the other hand will be seen as heroes, I mean they managed to get all those ladies!

Traditionally, men and women have been subjected to different rules guiding sexual behaviour. In a patriarchal society, women were stigmatised for extra-marital affairs, whereas for men, such behaviour was expected and rewarded.

Haunting past

Chicks: Still on sexual double standards, women don’t seem to have much of a choice accepting a man’s past in comparison to what is acceptable of their own.

Dudes: Rarely will they get judged by their past of getting into as many pants as possible before settling down.

Age factor

Chicks: They date older guys all the time.

Dudes: A guy dating an older chick is muhadhara (taboo). He is considered a gold digging toy boy. The woman will be called a cougar. Examples include Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey. She was 41 while he was 31. Mariah Carey and husband Nick Cannon 12 years younger than her yet society routinely turns a blind eye to senile men marrying under-age girls.

Hot vs a nice personality

Chicks: Apparently, it is fine if a hot chick dates a guy who is not as attractive as she is. When someone has to comment, they may just point out, "May be he has a good heart" or "It must be the money." And the matter will be rested.

Dudes: When they are thought as hot, dudes are judged harshly when it comes to the women they date. Ladies will endlessly scowl at his choice insisting that he can do better. If he is richer, he is in it for the money, if she is poor, she has bewitched him and so on. Funny enough, it seems there never is a good looking enough woman for a hot guy. When Will and Jada Smith were rumoured to have broken up, the comments were brutal with most being against Jada’s looks.

Money issues

Chicks: They can date richer more powerful men and eyebrows are raised. Evidently, it is even encouraged by the common saying: ‘I’d rather cry in a Mercedes than laugh on a bicycle’.

Dudes: When they date women more successful than them, they are dissed for being henpecked or kaliwad. If the guy has a considerably lower paying or blue-collar job, he is labelled a loser.

The fashion forward versus ‘gay’

Chicks: They can wear clothes somehow meant for dudes and they will be branded as fashion forward. A good example is boyfriend jacket, boyfriend jeans that largely borrows from men style in design. If she dresses in jeans, sneakers and mannish clothes she gets away with being called a tomboy.

Dudes: Should a guy wear anything that is slightly feminine, his sexual orientation will be questioned. A huge percentage of guys would rather be caught dead carrying a man bag. The male skinny jeans trend took a while to be embraced by those who considered it female clothing. Funny enough, male style is becoming more feminine with low cut v –neck T-shirts, thigh mid length pants and even head wraps.

Height matters

Chicks: Women are very vocal when it comes to men’s height and they make no bones about not wanting to date a man on the short side. Remember the tall, dark and handsome clichÈ begins with first and the most important prerequisite... tall. That’s why the hero in books, movies and small screen always towers over the heroine.

Dudes: A dude dating a chick taller than him is more often than not the butt of jokes. A good example is rapper Collins Majale alias Collo and taller girlfriend Phoebe always elicits comments in the media about their height difference. R&B singer Usher drew attention due to his taller model girlfriend Eishia Brightwell. A short chick is considered petite while a short guy is considered at best height challenged and at worst ill tempered.

Walking home late...

Chicks: Walking in the city at a late hour sometimes results in a case of mistaken identity and not in a nice way. "One could be probably coming from school or headed to a party, but many are the times a car will stop besides you, asking, how much? It’s very sad," notes Carol Wangari, a 21-year-old student. Worse is being mistaken for a twilight girl by city council askaris.

Dudes: Meanwhile, dude walking in town during the late hours will seldom be bothered by other passers-by. He is just any other guy going about his business or so they will imagine. He may be hustled by the police but will never be mistaken for a commercial sex worker.

In the work setting

Chicks: If she climbs up the job ladder fast, she slept with someone never mind the hard work and ideas put forward or projects worked on.

Dudes: If he gets promoted overnight, he’s very hard working and ambitious, no question about it.

Concerned or nagging?

Chicks: When they ask their partners questions about their whereabouts, they are nagging.

Dudes: When the lady is on the receiving end of the interrogation, her man is just concerned about her.

On the weighing scale

Chicks: When a lady gains weight, she’s apparently no longer attractive. They catch heat even for justified weight gain like the baby fat.

Dudes: When a dude gains weight it’s ‘a sign of wealth’. Or his woman is taking care of him well. Men decided that ladies like the potbellies.

In a home, the husband and wife eat the same food prepared in their kitchen but the woman should not grow big, whilst the guy should add weight.

Financial independence

Chicks: If a single chick spends her hard earned money on a lavish item, more often than not most people assume she is getting the money from a rich boyfriend or sugar daddy.

Dudes: On the flip side, a dude doing well has ‘definitely’ done it alone and in fact is a ‘hustler’. He will be respected even if he has obtained his money by unscrupulous means.

He has style, she is high maintenance

Chicks: A chick who enjoys spending money and time on her appearance is viewed as high maintenance or trying too hard to impress men. If she has a slim figure, she is maintaining that weight to impress men and will be urged to eat.

Dudes: On the other hand, if a man is dressed impeccably, he’s viewed as having a good job and good money accompanied by a sense of style. If he is slim, he will be viewed as fit. If he is fat, he will be branded as successful.

Gold digger or jungle fever?

Chicks: When they date foreigners, they are gold diggers. "People talk behind my back to date. I just have a preference to white men, mine just appears to be rich. There are people in genuine relationships, not all are forty-niners," says 25-year-old Joyce.

Dudes: When they date white girls, comments like "White chicks have a thing for black men," will blanket everything else. It will be termed as jungle fever or a sign of status.

　

Ticking clock

Chicks: When one reaches a certain age, the pressure to get married and have kids mounts.

Dudes: Men in the same age group (sometimes older) and in the same situation will usually be viewed as focused.