The pain of self-pleasure

{Odhis}

Your take:

Odhis, sex is a powerful tool that can make or break a relationship. Masturbation is psychologically disturbing and it will follow you even when you are married. The best alternative is to marry this woman.

{Ogara George}

Communication and patience are the key to solving this problem. Try and keep in touch with her — this will address your sexual appetite. Also avoid close contact with other women and practise self-control as opposed to cheating on her.

{Onyango Evans}

Masturbation is both evil and addictive. Discuss your problem with her and see if you can come up with a common solution. You may also need to visit a counselor for more advice.

{Tasma Charles}

Don’t blame the distance. You seem to have a strange sexual appetite and therefore you need to learn how to control it. Talk to your fiancÈe openly about the tribulations you are undergoing and also find out if you are compatible for marriage. Otherwise you will marry her only to realise later that you carried the problem into marriage.

{Andera Ngota}

You don’t tell us whether you’re a student or you’re working. Is she abroad or in some remote part of Kenya? What you’re doing with yourself is forbidden in the Bible so I would advise you to stop immediately.

Maintaining a long distance relationship requires sacrifice, prayers, endurance and patience. If you can’t tame your sexual appetite, make it known to her and if neither of you can join the other, then call it quits. No need pretending you’re faithful and waiting while in actual sense you’re not.

{Bernard }

Long distance relationships are okay but when they are prolonged they raise questions. The solution here is to marry her. Six years is enough time to commit to someone.

{Hosea Kiprop}

If you love her as much as you do then I wonder why you cannot you fight back that strong urge to masturbate and wait until you are together to have sex. If you cannot control yourself then find a way by all means to marry her so you can have all the time with her.

{Kageni}

A six-year relationship is mature and should move to the next level. Your sexual desire is what makes your relationship feel strained. If she is working, then move to her place of work if you’re really serious about her.

{Rispher Jerono}

If you really love this girl then you should be faithful to her. Everybody has a high appetite for sex but it requires self-control and discipline to resist temptation. Try your best not to break this girl’s heart because she may be deeply in love with you.

{Oyoo Wycliff}

Odhis, talk to your partner and see how you can meet more often so that you reduce chances of masturbating. At the end of it you may lose interest in women and see them as just sex objects. There is more to marriage than sex, so I hope you are not after her just for the goodies.

{Kamau Beka}

My take:

Long distance love and sex

Every commitment has its challenges, but long distance relationships seem to have a greater share of problems compared to ‘normal’ relationships. Sex or the lack of it is the primary problem because both parties remain constantly deprived.

But there are other challenges which have to do with mistrust, emotional emptiness and psychological distress that make these relationships difficult to deal with. All these make the parties extremely vulnerable.

This may lead to infidelity or the search for alternatives to fill the emotional gap and release the sexual tension that naturally builds over time, hence the temptation to masturbate.

Primarily described as the act of having sexual intercourse with oneself, masturbation provides an easy alternative to sex-deprived persons. However, it may shock you to learn that even married people (men and women) masturbate for various reasons. It helps to relieve the sexual tension and for women, especially, it is an easier route to the elusive orgasm.

Masturbation as an alternative

Masturbation has adverse short and long term effects. Short term effects include feelings of guilt and low self esteem and emotional distress while the long term effects include premature ejaculation (for men) and dysfunctional sex lives.

All these are caused by a subconscious state of the mind that believes that ‘I have the ability to satisfy myself /no one can give me satisfaction like I receive from masturbating.

Addiction is common to both men and women, while premature ejaculation is inevitable for men who masturbate frequently since the subconscious mind gets used to easy, short and intense sexual pleasure that ensures a quick climax. Unfortunately, this isn’t satisfying to the other spouse in a sexual relationship.

Dealing with sex deprivation

At the risk of appearing to support infidelity, I would encourage parties who find themselves in this tough situation to get natural and normal alternatives to meeting this need. These include among others having a sex-partner (no emotional attachment) as opposed to engaging in un-natural acts such as masturbation.

Avoiding emotional attachment to a sex partner helps maintain the love with your actual partner and keeps the relationship intact.

{Taurus}