Women are slowly but surely losing the art and etiquette of femininity and morphing into men. WANGECI KANYEKI explores some of the timeless traits of a lady
It has been said the women want to be treated as ladies but that a large number of them are not acting like it. With the woman becoming more educated, empowered and enlightened, some feminine habits are getting lost in translation as women aspire to do ‘whatever a man can do’, better.
Regina-Re Gitao |
Derek Bbanga |
Ben Kiptoo, a team leader in an advertising department in a media house in Nairobi, takes issue with a woman who talks or swears at the top of her voice or laughs loudly whilst kicking in the air.
“Curse words and such crude habits should just be left to men,” he says.
He also notes that a baldhead is the reserve of men.
Long hair glory
Says he: “It’s too masculine and a turn-off to men. Men are captivated by long hair in women. But please, stay away from the weaves!”
Picking your nose or speaking with food in your mouth is simply not acceptable, according to Kiptoo.
As for a woman who cannot cook, Kiptoo offers: “Why would I get such a woman? I might as well live with my male friends.”
To make it to the top, the modern woman has evolved and become so aggressive that she has a ‘don’t mess with me look’ that puts men off, he says.
“She needs to ask herself ‘what is the opportunity cost?’ and recover the positive traits she has lost” advises Kiptoo.
He also takes a swipe at women who wear excessive or masculine jewellery such as heavy-duty watches.
Kiptoo terms flashing of the cleavage as overexposure that may be misconstrued as being an ‘easy catch’. He doesn’t mind his girlfriend wearing a bare-back top when with him, but is uncomfortable about her dressing in a revealing manner when not with him.
He also says that men find well-groomed feet in sandals delightfully girlie and feminine.
Says he: “Do not have discoloured toenails with chipping nails or tacky nail polish. If you can’t groom them, keep them short.”
Woman’s Instinct talked to several image and etiquette professionals about their idea of what lady-like habits are.
Regina-Re Gitao, Image Consultant and Performance Coach,
Executive Advantage
Posture
• Sit up straight: Ladies train yourselves to sit with the spine straight and legs crossed. A good posture is important for presentation as well as for health. Keep a straight back, slightly arching when taking a seat.
• Crossing legs: Avoid crossing legs at the thigh when your skirt is above the knee. It appears less sexual if you cross legs at the ankles.
• Level the shoulders as you stand and walk and avoid slouching or dropping onto a seat.
Scent
• Smell fresh and clean: A lady must pay attention to personal hygiene by bathing, brushing teeth and wearing some type of deodorant. Layer your scents — have the same scent as a body wash, lotion, spray or body splash. And finally, perfume.
Don’t bathe in perfume: Apply it on the pulse points — the wrist, behind the ear, crook of the arm and knee, base of the throat.
This is where the blood vessels are closest to the skin giving off more heat and acting like fragrance pumps.
Make-up magic
• As a lady, use make-up to highlight your best features. A little mascara and lip-gloss can enhance your eyes and mouth.
Dress Code
• At work, avoid jewellery that is too large and/or loud. Smaller, more conservative earrings in the boardroom helps keep focus on your message and not your accessories.
• Avoid suit jackets so tight that the closed buttons on the suit are stressed from pulling. (a fashion faux pas ignored by many of our TV news anchors).
• Avoid trousers being so tight as to reveal the crouch imprint (the “V” or camel’s toe), bodyshapers, pantylines or worse still, the crack of your butt.
Mannerisms
• Avoid spitting anywhere other than at the bathroom sink.
• Avoid using sheng or slang in business meetings and get back to basics of using ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ even to those you consider inferior to you.
• Avoid sharing all your personal details such
Derek Bbanga, Image Strategist, Public Image Kenya
Dress Code
• Dress and body language constitute 55 per cent of your professional impression, so a lady needs to dress right. Clothes are usually the first thing other people notice about you.
• Dress up rather than dress down, whether you are going out to the club or the office. Always flatter your body type and never sacrifice your femininity.
• Use the psychology of colour to enhance your appearance. For the corporate woman, wearing pastel colours like baby pink will tend to diminish authority and credibility. Invest in well-structured designer tailored suits to give you that edge as well as comfort and style. Never reveal too much flesh, be it cleavage or leg.
• Skirts are more forgiving trousers when you do not have the perfect figure, so invest in several. Wear stockings or tights for a more professional look.
Body Language
• Project a confident, positive image by the way you enter a room and the way you stand and sit. Avoid excessive head tilting, smiling and nodding.
•Speak up: It is surprising how many women have a problem with low volume, mumbling or speaking on a monotone. Weak voices can give the impression of fear or anxiety rather than confidence.
• Make your handshake count: Women with a weak handshake are judged to be passive and less confident.
Make-up magic
• Research has shown that women who wear day make-up to the office get promoted faster and earn bigger salaries. Your face gets more scrutiny than any other part of your anatomy so it has to look good.
