When a teenager clocks 18, they want to do anything they want without anybody raising a finger. JOHN MUTURI explains why parents still need to exercise their control
It is normal to feel free and grown up once a child is through with high school. The teenager may probably have everything symbolising adult status—turned 18 and acquired a national identity card. Moreover, probably she has gotten a job if she is one of the lucky few or awaiting to join university. With all these qualifications, the feeling of independence hits home hard.
The feeling is great— that at last she will chose what they wish without the prying eyes of parents or teachers watching their every move and setting ‘unreasonable’ rules.
Unfortunately, it is not exactly true that the teenager can do whatever they wish. Not even her parents can do whatever they wish.
governed by rules
Why? Our world, embodied in society, is governed by rules hence we can’t always do whatever we want. That aside, she might be 18 and technically an adult, but as long as she lives with the parents, they have to abide by their rules.
While many such young adults are in a hurry to leave home and become independent, this is usually not possible for some time.
There are practical reasons; for one, she is most likely looking forward to joining the university or college with the hope of graduating and getting a job. In that case, they have no alternative but to live with their parents or guardian.
Secondly, she might not be earning or if they are, it might not be enough to afford a decent place.The young person feels their growing independence by the day, the reason they all complain that their parents still treat them like a child.
What these moaning teenagers fail to understand is that their parents have been accepting their developing independence since they were babies.
Moreover, all parents are happy to watch their children’s milestones. They happily welcome, encourage and are proud of approaching signs of maturity. In spite of this, majority of parents will not just let go because their child has reached independence stage.
They prefer letting go gradually, only giving the child as much freedom as they feel they can handle. What it means is that the child has to earn their independence.
What annoys young people and especially girls is the seemingly perennial fight with their parents over going out especially if they want to stay out late.
Ask parents and they will tell you that they are doing it for your own interest and well being.
The problem is that most youth will not want to say where they are going and with whom or when and how they will get back home. The best way to go about it is to talk one-to-one with the parents on the issue.
win parent’s trust
Start discussions about it early. When the issue is discussed from an early age, as the child grows older, he/she will be able to ask her parents to allow them to stay out longer.
The teenager can win the parent’s trust by adhering to the time and other conditions agreed upon. It is with this increased trust that the teenager can slowly ask for more time out every few months. This is why open communication between a teenager and his or her parents is very important.
Teenagers should always understand the love and care their parents have for them.
They are the people he/she should approach at all times irrespective of the magnitude of the problem they (teenagers) think they have.
There are teenagers who have never had open communication with their children. In this case, they can look for an uncle or a trustworthy adult to confide in. The church pastor, youth patron or teacher can come in handy too.
