Nobody quite prepares new parents for the moment when the baby arrives and when it arrives, suddenly the parents realise that, despite all the advice, books, shopping lists and preparations, they are still learning.
The parent may have bought the cot, prepared the clothes, stocked up on essentials and listened to advice from relatives and friends. Then the baby arrives, and the questions begin.
Is the baby feeding enough? Why are they crying? Are they too hot or cold? Is that sound normal? And, perhaps most troubling, am I doing this right?
Welcome to parenthood, where love comes with responsibility, and confidence grows one day at a time.
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“Many first-time parents imagine parenthood through its beautiful moments: the first smile, tiny fingers curling around ours, the first family photograph and the excitement of introducing a new member to the world,” says Grace Kariuki, a counsellor and family coach.
However, there is another side to this – interrupted nights, unfamiliar routines, mountains of laundry and the constant attention required by a baby who cannot yet explain what they need.
“Even the seemingly simple task of changing a diaper can feel like a test, and though you want to be gentle, keep the baby comfortable, get everything right,” says Joy Mwendwa, a mother of three, reminiscing over her first-time moment as a mother.
She says just when you think you have mastered one routine, the baby changes theirs. This is where new parents need to permit themselves to learn.
Experts say every baby is different, and every family must find its rhythm while observing the child’s needs and following appropriate health guidance.
The lessons in everyday care
Consider the humble diaper change – It is a routine task, repeated several times a day, that can easily become something parents rush through while thinking about the next feed, the laundry or the chores waiting elsewhere in the house, says Lilian Karani, a family coach.
“As you change your baby’s diaper, you can talk softly, make eye contact, smile and respond to the sounds and expressions your baby makes. You might sing a little song or tell them what you are doing, even though they cannot yet answer in words,” she says.
UNICEF encourages caregivers to talk, smile, sing and play during diaper changes, turning routine care into bonding time. It also advises safe changing practices, gentle cleaning, prompt nappy changes and handwashing.
Lilian says bonding need not be a performance. Sometimes, a tired parent and an unsettled baby simply need to get through the task. The point is to recognise that everyday care offers small opportunities for connection, without adding pressure to parenting.
Learning to understand your baby
In the early weeks, parents gradually learn their baby’s patterns, from feeding cues to what helps them settle. They also discover that crying can have different causes and comforting a baby may take several attempts.
The World Health Organisation advocates responsive care, where caregivers recognise and respond to signs of hunger, discomfort or distress, while seeking medical attention when warning signs appear.
Sane Lemayian, a pediatrician advises new parents to not feel obliged to diagnose every problem themselves.
“If a newborn is feeding poorly, has difficulty breathing, develops a high temperature or shows other concerning symptoms, prompt medical advice is important, and learning to care for a newborn includes learning when to seek help,” he says, adding: “It also means resisting the temptation to compare your experience with another family’s”.
Grace says in many households, mothers are expected to know what the baby needs, organise the supplies, remember appointments, manage feeding routines and remain alert to every little change.
“Even when a partner or other family members are available, the mental work of anticipating and organising care can quietly fall to one person, and this can leave a new mother exhausted and a new father or other caregiver uncertain about how to help,” says Grace.
Parenting is a shared responsibility, taking ownership of routine tasks: preparing the baby’s essentials, changing diapers, settling the child, keeping supplies available and learning the baby’s patterns. Confidence grows through participation, not simply by watching somebody else do everything.
Preparing for the practical realities
A little preparation can make everyday baby care less stressful.
Joy advises new parents to keep essential supplies within easy reach before changing a diaper, to choose products appropriate for their baby’s needs, pay attention to comfort and skin care, and to keep the changing area clean and ensure the baby remains safely supervised throughout the process.
If irritation develops around the diaper area, review your changing routine and seek medical advice if the rash worsens or does not improve.
“It is also worth remembering that babies do not need parents who have purchased every product on the market, but need safe, attentive care, appropriate feeding, affection, protection and access to health services,” says Sane.
He advises new parents to buy essentials within their means and avoid letting adverts, social media or comparisons with other families distract them from their parenting responsibilities.
Bonding takes time. As parents learn their baby’s expressions, routines and needs, many tasks gradually become second nature, while others still require patience. “There will be days when you feel confident and others when you question everything, but experience, on its own, defines the kind of parent you are becoming,” says Grace.
So, the next time you find yourself struggling with a diaper change, a crying baby or an unfamiliar routine, take a breath. You are not sitting an examination in which every mistake determines your final grade. You are learning to care for a new human being, one small task and one shared moment at a time.
While you learn to understand your baby, remember to extend some of that patience to yourself.
After all, babies are not the only ones growing into a new stage of life. Their parents are growing, too.