At a busy restaurant one Sunday afternoon, a young boy slides into his chair without acknowledging the waiter standing beside him. No greetings, no eye contact. Across the table, his visibly exhausted mother offers the waiter an apologetic smile.
“This is a concern showing up everywhere, in restaurants, schools, churches, supermarkets and family gatherings about children who do not greet visitors, interrupt conversations, refuse to share, ignore domestic workers, or respond harshly when corrected,” says Catherine Mugendi, a counsellor and family coach.
Yet beneath these uncomfortable moments, she explains, lies a deeper parenting question: In the race to raise successful children, are families forgetting to intentionally teach character?
Experts say modern parenting now unfolds amid exhausting schedules, economic pressure, long commutes and digital distractions.
Families spend less time together, grandparents are less involved, and many parents admit they are simply too tired.
Still, child development experts stress that small daily habits matter because manners are more than “good behaviour”, they are the foundation of empathy, discipline, emotional intelligence and respect for others.
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“A child who learns gratitude learns humility; one who learns patience learns self-control, while one who learns kindness learns how to live in community,” says Mugendi.
Increasingly, many adults are realising these lessons are not automatic; children learn from what they see.
At an Easter family gathering in Nakuru, 12-year-old Michelle shocked her aunt by walking past older relatives without greeting them.
“She went straight for the snacks,” her aunt recalled. “When I told her to greet people first, she rolled her eyes.”
The incident sparked debate among relatives. Some blamed modern parenting and social media, while others noted that children cannot be expected to practise values adults rarely model consistently.
That may be the uncomfortable truth many families are confronting.
Experts say children absorb behaviour long before they understand lectures about discipline.
They observe how parents speak to security guards, waiters, house helps, drivers and strangers online. They notice whether adults say “thank you,” apologise sincerely, wait their turn or shout at others in traffic.
Little things, big impact
A child cannot be taught kindness while witnessing cruelty daily,” says Geoffrey Okoth, a child psychologist.
The expert explains that in days gone by, in many homes, manners were once woven naturally into family life, and children greeted elders every morning, and they waited for others before eating, participated in chores, thanked visitors and learned how to share with cousins and neighbours.
“Today, however, many parents say maintaining such routines has become harder. And some fear correcting children too firmly because they do not want to appear harsh, while others confuse gentle parenting with the absence of boundaries altogether,” says Okoth.
However, psychologists say respectful parenting does not mean abandoning structure, as children still need guidance, consistency and accountability. They argue that boundaries help children feel emotionally secure because they teach responsibility and consideration for others.
The psychologist says that often, it is the smallest habits that quietly reveal the values children are absorbing at home. A child who says “excuse me” before interrupting adults is learning respect. “A child who cleans up after eating is learning responsibility, while a child who apologises sincerely is learning accountability,” says Mugendi.
Mugendi says, even table manners, something many parents dismiss as old-fashioned, teach patience, discipline and social awareness.
Teachers say these lessons increasingly affect how children relate to peers in school environments. Some report rising impatience among children who struggle to wait their turn, listen during conversations or handle correction calmly.
Others say gratitude is becoming harder to cultivate in an era where many children are surrounded by instant entertainment and constant consumption.
“When children receive everything immediately, they can begin to assume things simply appear,” says Counsellor and family coach, Lisa Wanjiro. “Gratitude must be intentionally practised,” she states.
That intentionality matters because experts say manners are closely connected to emotional development.
Children who learn empathy, honesty and kindness early are often better equipped to build healthy friendships, resolve conflicts and navigate adulthood respectfully. Still, many parents say raising grounded children today feels far more complicated than it did a generation ago.
Wanjiro says children are growing up in a highly digital world where online culture often rewards loudness, impatience and instant gratification. Many families eat meals separately, conversations compete with screens, while parents are balancing work demands while trying to remain emotionally present.
And perhaps that is why the smallest words, please, sorry, thank you, still matter, tiny lessons with lifelong impact.