How do I get to be in control? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

Someone told me the other day that it is women who control how relationships start. But it does not feel like that to me! Is it true? And if it is, how do I get to be in control?

Being in Charge

Chris says,

Hi Being in Charge!

It is true! Women do control the start of a dating relationship. And you are right, it does not feel like that. Because men are expected to make the first move, for example. But that is an illusion because good men won't talk to you unless you issue an invitation!


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And that is all about body language. So as your eyes meet those of an attractive man, you will instinctively feel the urge to look away. You will probably also smile slightly, and your eyes will dilate. Perhaps you will touch your face and even giggle. But it is the way you look away that signals your interest.

Because if you look down, looking slightly embarrassed, then he will know you like the look of him. Catch his eye again after a moment, smiling slightly, and he will know you want him to talk to you. Turn away if you have changed your mind, and he will get the message and go. But if you turn towards him and smile, he will say hello.

Do not worry about how to reply, just make sure you match the warmth of his greeting. If you are too enthusiastic he will think you are being pushy. Be too subdued and he will think you are saying no, even though you think he is rather nice.

It does not matter if your reply does not make much sense, that is what usually happens anyway! But you must match his warmth or he will give up. So if he grunts 'Wazzup girl?' and you are not impressed? A cool response and he will soon back off. But what if he is polite and you are charmed? "Hi! May I join you?" Then your reply should be equally courteous: "Yes, please do!"

And even though neither of you has said anything yet, straight away both of you know you are interested, and a romance has started. Led by you.

All the best,