How to talk about your sexual fantasies with your partner

Sex might not be the glue that holds a healthy relationship together but it’s definitely a big thing. Both you and your partner’s needs are important and there shouldn’t be any guilt in needing sexual fulfillment in your relationship.

When you’re already comfortable with your partner on matters to do with the bedroom, you don’t expect that you will have situations where you might hesitate to communicate what you want. But something that people might find hard to approach their partner about is sexual fantasies.

First, know that you are not weird for having sexual fantasies because it is normal. If you want to tell your partner about something new you would want to try, this is how you can have a smooth conversation:

·         Give yourself time before bringing it up

What goes on in our minds isn’t always easy to decipher. One day you might feel like you want to try something crazy in the bedroom and the next you realize that that’s not something that you would actually want to do in real life.

Before you jump into having this conversation, give yourself a minute to see whether you are 100 per cent sure that this is what you want. By the time you’re actually having this talk, you will be fully confident to go ahead if your partner is up for it.

·         Be honest about your feelings

When you’re not sexually satisfied in your relationship, things can go south. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for wanting to feel fulfilled so this is nothing to be embarrassed about.

So don’t make it a huge deal when you’re expressing your feelings. If the conversation doesn’t go the way you expected it to, at least you can say that you were being honest about it and you tried.

·         Bring the fantasy up as a ‘by the way’

Having a full conversation about it is one way to approach this convo. But, maybe the thing that would work for you is bringing it up as a passing thought to gauge how it’s going to be received.

You can say things like, ‘’wouldn’t it be interesting if we tried…’’ or, ‘’what’s your thought on…’’

This can be something you bring up when you’re in a relaxed mood to take away the awkwardness.

·         Approach a taboo topic carefully

People’s definition of a fantasy isn’t always the same thing. For some people it might be something common like bondage or using sex toys but for others it’s some seriously freaky stuff.

If what you’re thinking about is something unusual, approach everything calmly. Communicate in detail what exactly you mean, so that your partner can understand you better. I’m sure they will have a couple of questions so, be ready for that.

·         Don’t pressure them

Regardless of what you would want to talk about, it’s important to make it clear that you’re not pressuring them into anything.

Listen to what they have to say and give them room to think about it if they need to because that also shows you’re not only concerned about what you want.