"Some days, voices in my head tell me am taking too long in this mourning phase. But I have made up my mind not to be hard on myself.”

Former Tusker Project Fame contestant Ruth Matete has opened up on dealing with grief months after losing her husband, John Apewajoye. Through an emotional post shared on her Instagram page, Ruth Matete said that grief is not easy to deal with as some days are hard. She further revealed that she sometimes gets conflicted about taking too long mourning her late husband while at the same time, thinks she is being hard on herself.

“Truth is some days are very hard. When death knocks at your door, there’s nothing you can do. Some days, voices in my head tell me am taking too long in this mourning phase. But I have made up my mind not to be hard on myself,” she wrote.

Even though she acknowledged that mourning takes time, the songbird affirmed that she is determined and looking forward to healing.

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“I patiently wait for the day God will heal me totally. But then again, some days I doubt if this kind of pain can totally heal. So, I ask God to give me a new heart instead,’ she added.

Her husband’s death came as a shock after he sustained burns following a gas accident.  It was reported that Ruth’s late husband caught fire at their home while trying to fix their gas cylinder. The Nigerian national was immediately admitted to the ICU after suffering 60% burns. Days later, he was pronounced dead.

In a social media post, Ruth said September will be a special month for her as number nine symbolizes divine completeness.

“Taking a day at a time. Please be kind with your words. It’s not easy for me to be back on social media. But life has to go on.”

"Christ died at the 9th hour of the day. In this 9th month of the year, just as Christ died and overcame death at the 9th hour, you, too, shall overcome whatever battles you’re facing, in the name of Jesus Christ. I know it’s been hard. It’s been tough! You have cried your eyes out. It is gonna be worth it. Welcome to September. The month of completeness. The month of finality,” she wrote on her comeback post after taking a break from social media.

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The award-winning singer further pleaded with Kenyans to be kind with their words, saying it’s not easy to be back on social media, but life has to go on.

Taking a day at a time. Please be kind with your words. It’s not easy for me to be back on social media. But life has to go on,” appealed Matete.

At the same time, Ruth has also opened a new YouTube channel under the name “Pst. Ruth Matete” meant to give hope and encourage her followers going through difficult times. Ruth laid her late husband to rest on July 23 at Langata Cemetery. She is expecting their first child soon.