Bumper stickers on matatus and lorries make for interesting reading, at least in Mombasa, where passengers are taught the wisdom of matatu culture - from advice on bedroom matters to life and friendship.
And what’s more, you will hardly find these nuggets of wisdom in a kamusi ya methali za Kiswahili.
Here are 10 matatu bumper sticker wisecracks from Mwambao:
1. Kumkata kobe kichwa
“It requires smart timing to cut the head of a tortoise” is one of the ‘wise’ sayings that has nothing to do with a man armed with a machete aimed at the tortoise’s head. The message simply means that you need to be shrewd and have impeccable timing if you are ever to succeed in anything.
2. Msafara wa mamba haukosi burukenge
In every venture, you can rest assured there will always be a bad apple who will always screw things up! Need we say more?
3. Babako analo?
This translates to, “Does your father have one?” It is a common question on the back of rickety, rusty matatus from Mshomoroni zooming past as they emit black smoke. For those pedestrians who thumb their noses, the reprimand is for them: “Babako analo?”
4. Ukichengwa tulia
“If you’ve been beaten, take it in your stride and relax.” This one is meant for jamaas whose advances are shot down by the women of their dreams, only for the hot chick to end up in the arms of a #Team Mafisi member seated next to you!
5. Kama sketi za shule zakuchanganya, kamshonee mkeo
“If school skirts drive you crazy, get one for your wife.” This is a harsh reprimand to those Baba Mtu who, despite sporting parental hair on their chests, still salivate over under-age schoolgirls.
6. Kuongeza uzani kama nakudai ni madharau
“It’s disrespectful to put on weight, yet you owe me money.” This is meant for people who never seem to pay their debts, yet they are seemingly doing well, na vile uchumi ni mbaya!
7. Salimia watu, pesa huisha
“Don’t be a snob, you might lose everything you have.” This is a saying for those who look down on others when Lady Luck smiles their way and their bank slips make for better reading than the last Jeffrey Archer novel.
8. Kazi ya moyo ni kusukuma damu, kupenda ni kiherehere
“The heart is meant to pump blood, all this talk about love is misguided nonsense.” This saying aimed at those who fall in love ovyo ovyo, only to end up heartbroken.
9. Kama pesa haina mizizi, mbona benki ina matawi?
“If money has no roots, how come banks have branches?” This is one of those nuggets of wisdom that tells you that whoever came up with this saying must have been smoking something that was certainly stronger than a cigarette!
10. Si rahisi kuwa rais
This wise saying in the face of the 2017 General Election is aimed at the likes of former presidential aspirants who humoured Kenyans with their naked ambitions that fell flat. The likes of Pastor Pius Muiru, Paul Muite, Abduba Dida, Waweru Ng’ethe, Nazlin Omar, Martha Karua and Peter Kenneth would probably relate, as would ‘still-born’ wannabe aspirants like Kingwa Kamencu!
