Ladies, don’t be deceived by a man who text you “I miss you” only when it’s cold or are neither an umbrella nor a jacket Photo: Courtesy

There is never a dull day in Zimbabwe, so long as Robert Mugabe, who always have a way with words, remains the president, or so social media would have you believe. When it comes to quotable quotes, not even legendary author and humorist Mark Twain and other greats like Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill or Mahatma Ghandi have anything on him. Doubting? Sample the following latest funny quotes attributed to the Zimbabwean president.

“In Africa, the only warning they take seriously is ‘low battery’.” “Zimbabweans, let us respect pregnant women for it is not easy to carry around evidence of sex in public.” “Girls, learn to take care of yourselves. Some men will use you, use your body, ruin your reputation and then marry a beautiful woman and get born again. And as if that is not enough, use you as testimony in church.”

“We are living in a generation where people ‘in love’ are free to touch each other’s private parts, but are not allowed to touch each other’s phones because they are private.” “Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a broke man who is extremely good in bed.” “The only thing that scares me about marriage is that you have to wake up earlier on the wedding day.” “No matter how men shake their ‘thing’ after urinating, the last drop is always reserved for the boxers.”

“Ladies, don’t be deceived by a man who text you “I miss you” only when it’s cold or are neither an umbrella nor a jacket.” “Kenyans are good runners because corruption is always chasing them.” “We are all born mad, but some decides to remain so.” “The size of a socialite’s backside is indirectly proportional to the size of her brain.”

“Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the devil always comes along and gives you a ‘girlfriend’.” “I stopped trusting women when my class three girlfriend left me for another boy, all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.”

“Witchcraft is when a 24-year-old girl who cannot jog for five minutes expects a 40-year-old man to last for an hour in action.” “If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.” “Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his newly wed wife but lately, there’s nothing as such any-longer because it’ll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes and for Lorry fares!” “Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.” “For a woman with beauty without brains, it’s her private parts that suffer.”