Let’s get one thing straight; Vera Sidika’s ample behind is not fake. That girl comes from the land of mulembe, where daughters are made strictly to the manufacturer’s specifications.

That is why when Gor Mahia Football Club locks horns with Ingwe, it is never about chasing a piece of inflated leather.

It is about Luhya warriors kicking Gor’s butt because the sons of Nyanza, smitten by curvaceous assets bred on ingokho and fried insects, have made a habit of stealing their sisters and not paying dowry.

I know women are calling our Vera names, but truth is that they are green with envy.

Value addition

I know men are calling our Vera names, but reality is when they are manufacturing a baby with the woman to whose clan they paid goats, it is the Veras of this world that they fantasize about.

What is beautiful about Vera is that she understands something called ‘value addition’. You take your daughter to school, she hammers an A, gets a nice degree and a good job in the bank and she still needs to take a loan to buy a second-hand car.

But if she has the brains to stick expensive second-hand Indian hair on her head, push out her chest and shove out her rear, she lives happily ever after.

Independent woman

Take this young lass I met on a bus last week, for instance; a law student who loves litigation. With her dimples, she is easy on the eye. But her nails were not painted.

Her lips were not painted. Her hair was real. Her suit was decent but plain, her shoes simple. When I offered to pay her bus fare, she told me to dive in the nearest pond. She is an independent woman.

In 45 years, she will be a broke Chief Justice earning a paltry Sh177 million a month.

But if she had a bum whose value appreciates with time, why, she would be worth billions.