I don't know who came up with the idea of training employees for a whole week like my employer often does. It beats logic how staff who have been in employment since Kibaki was in power needs to be trained for that long. Since the trainees can't persevere through a week-long training, they conjure up ingenious ways to endure it.
The reporting day is usually Sunday. Most trainees check into the hotel late at night, some having passed through places their catechists wouldn't approve of. A photo moment at the hotel lobby is mandatory, more so if the hotel is a swanky place that quotes its rates in dollars.
The older folks, like yours truly, flood Facebook with smudgy photos. The younger chaps post their flashy filtered photos and videos on Instagram and TikTok.
On day one, the training starts after the tea break, mainly because the colleagues spend hours hugging in the corridors. A top honcho arrives at noon to declare the kongamano officially open.
After his speech, in which requests all to treat the training with the seriousness it deserves, all break for lunch. Proper training begins after lunch, but most of the attendants are dozing, fiddling with their phones, or generally bored.
On day two, the training picks up. The previous day's contents have to be crammed into this day since the day was lost. The only person treating the training with the seriousness it deserves is the enthusiastic icebreaker guy who conducts frenetic dance moves every 30 minutes to keep trainees awake. On Wednesday, the trainees have already identified joints where their tribesmen hang out. The mountain guys know where the loudest mugithi plays. Lakeside folks have a joint that plays ohangla and serves sizzling mbuta.
The guys from the north know a baite selling the most succulent green twigs from Meru. After training, they each head to their hangouts, spelling trouble for tomorrow's training. Thursday starts with guys strolling in with bleary eyes, and some chewing gum.
A good number has sneaked out to remove the lock. The young trainer can tell what happened last night but since these are senior officers he can't order around, so he comes up with group work during the entire morning. The groups present their work in the afternoon. Which was mainly done by two young chaps while the rest reminisced about their scandalous escapades when they worked in Isiolo a decade ago. Later, an innovative mind recommends that they cover Friday's content on Thursday afternoon.
How a whole day's content is compressed into an hour is one of the modern wonders of the world. The best-laid plans often go wrong. On Friday morning, when all are planning to check out, a call comes from HQ that a big shot is coming to close the training.
Everyone is recalled and herded to the training hall. The same officer who asked his staff to take the training seriously declares a training that 'ended' yesterday officially closed at noon, yet it's supposed to end at 5 pm.
njambigilbert@yahoo.com
