How often should we have sex?

By Jennifer Karina

How many times should a couple have sex?

This is a question that I frequently get asked. While it is difficult to have a direct answer to the question, there are various factors that influence sexual frequency, including age, lifestyle, emotional and physical health, experience, background, libido and the quality of the couple’s relationship in general.

James and Joanne have been married for five years and have an eleven-month-old baby. The couple argues that they have challenges in finding time for sex leave. They only get lucky  twice a month when things are better or three times at the most.

Would you consider this as normal behaviour?

Frequency in having sex

When it comes to frequency of sex, I would say go for it, the more the better! After all, it has been backed by science and been tried and tested. Sex in a loving, intimate relationship has several health benefits. In women, sex triggers the release of oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of affection and triggers that nurturing instinct. In men, sex enhances the flow of testosterone, strengthening bones and muscles and helps transport dhea, a hormone that may be important in the function of the body’s immune system.

Studies show increased emotional and physical benefits including:

• Reduced risk of prostate cancer.

• A therapeutic effect on the immune system.

• Improves posture and body tone.

• Boost in self esteem.

• Makes one energetic and feeling younger.

• Positive attitude.

• Help in sleeping better.

• Reduced stress and depression.

Regular sex as well as regular exercise have similar benefits, which is releasing endorphins, the good feel hormones, which are magical in the general overall wellness of health benefits. 

How often should we  have sex then?

The more the better. A couple should have sex as often as desired, depending on a couple’s energies. It is worth noting that on the onset of a relationship, two to three times  a day may not sound like much. This drops to give way to productive work, reducing the frequency to two or three times a week, depending on the libido and relationships of the couple.

Sexual intimacy is one of the most important dimensions of healthy marital relationship. Healthy sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that both partners are satisfied with, sexual activities both partners enjoy, and openness to talk freely about sex.

Do not deny your sexual spouse the God given gift unless by mutual consent. Sexual intimacy is what makes partners feel loved, appreciated, important, and connected in every way. When the levels of engagement drop, so does intimacy, unless this is as a result of mutual agreement for genuine reasons.

Some people enjoy daily sexual expression, while others are happy with intimate contact several times a day. Many different factors can affect your sex drive and consequently the frequency. Generally it is not uncommon to seek what is the general rule, how often is good enough?

I encourage you to look more at what works for you personally and as a couple, keeping in mind the benefits and your season.

Addressing the following questions will be helpful

1. How healthy is your relationship? Are you getting on well with one another?

2. How faithful are you to the relationship? Is there suspicion of infidelity?

3. How satisfying is your sexual union? Are you both playing a part?

4. How is your physical health? Do you exercise regularly?

5. How is your emotional health?  Are you self aware and confident?

Enjoy your sexuality and thrive, because you deserve it!!