Hilarious matatu stickers

By Alan Olingo

The Kenyan matatu must be the trendiest public service vehicle in the world. If you are not being entertained by video on a big plasma screen, it is with the loud music that the youth so love. But most of all is the literature on stickers that is guaranteed to leave you in stitches. Here are a sample:

• Hatusemi wewe ni mnono, lakini ukikalia viti mbili, LIPIA.

• Kuku ni kuku, jogoo ni jina.

• If you miss the driver, kiss the conductor.

• When women are done with men, they turn to God.

• You should not only love the person you can laugh with, but also one you can cry with.

• A woman worries about her future until she gets a husband.

• No idle sitting, please chat with your neighbour.

• Hakuna stage inaitwa ‘hapo dere’.

• If the driver is driving recklessly, report him to your headmaster.

• Kupanda popote, kushuka ni stage.

• No calling, only texting.

• Waringa umepimwa?

• Nyumba ndogo raha, usijali starehe bora ufike.

• Wanne wanne kama orbit, vichwa 14.

• Jino moja, mswaki wa nini?

• Do not request the driver to reduce the volume, when here, just SMS.

• If you can’t trade with Satan, join him.

• Usitoe viatu kwa gari.

• Usiteme mate hapa, si una handbag?

• Kama una haraka, shuka ukimbie.

• Unaninyima lane, si uikunje basi?

• Kama unachelewa, si ungesafiri jana?

• Utamu wa lorry nikupanda nyuma.

• We accept cards too.

• Iko nafasi ya kulala.

• Matatu huwa haijai!

• More seats upstairs.

• Utamu wa lori nikama msichana mrembo; angalia nyuma!

• Women are like matatus, you miss one and catch the next.

• Mbona nipimwe na hakuna dawa?

• Mzee ni wewe!

• Kama si marijuana, hatungejuana.

• Dawa ya mapenzi ni kupendana.

• Kila nyani na starehe yake, yako ni gani?

• Aliye nipatia ndiye aliyekunyima.