I’m in love with him, but he’s a violent man

I have been dating this guy for about a year and during this time, he has beaten me three times the latest of which he pushed me down the stairs. I was admitted in hospital for about 30 days but now I am well. He always apologises after beating me up and reassures me that he loves me very much but I doubt this because I think he is on drugs. Most times he becomes so sweet and he buys me gifts when he knows that he has wronged me and I always end up forgiving him because no one has ever loved me the way he does. Should I be patient with him and hope that he will change once we get married? He proposed to me when I was in hospital. My family thinks I am crazy but I am just in love. Please advise

{Ruth}

Your take:

I think Ruth enjoys being beaten, why else would someone stick around after being brutally beaten by her boyfriend not even husband. This is crazy and she ought to come to her senses and leave soon if she does not enjoy being beaten. If she goes back to him voluntarily then let her be, she is a mature adult.

{Lillian Kimani}

Get out now! If he beats you he will end up killing you either with stress or injuries. He is not the only one for you. If he continues report him to the police. They can help you but please get out of there. Leave while you can because you still have a chance. Don’t say I didn’t tell you.

{Bev}

I know what you are going through and I can tell that you are a clear-minded woman. Don’t let anyone decide for you. If you can withstand his violence because of love then remain in your relationship but if you think he will not change, just leave him.

{Sophie}

After those beatings can you honestly trust him with the rest of your life? I have been married for two years and I can tell you that most men don’t change for better after saying ‘I DO’. You have only one life to live and you better take care of it. If you go ahead and marry this guy you will either end up crippled or dead because he will beat you up whenever he pleases.

{Anonymous}

Are you waiting to be taken home in a wheelchair or with a coffin? He will use you for a punching bag. Where there is smoke there is fire. If you don’t stand up for yourself, who will?

{Linet}

You are blinding yourself to reality. He may love you but he doesn’t know how to manage his anger. Run as fast as you can because he cannot change. Open your eyes.

{Janet M}

The culture of beating wives/girlfriends was erased from the minds of men long ago. A man’s duty is to protect his wife by punching those who pose danger but not to punch the wife. Dump the fellow, maybe he will soon find a "Serena Williams" who will fight back.

{Wilson Manyuira}

What do you understand by love? Couples who love one another don’t fight. He beats you, buys you gifts than beats you again buys gifts again. To make it worse, he is into drugs. What kind of a family do you intend to raise? Seek counseling unless you need him to beat you and push you to the counselor?

{Elly Okello}

He is not husband material. During courtship, we try to be better and smart but if he is behaving like this now, expect him to be worse after marriage. If he loved you he would not harm you. Get out of your denial and run out as fast as your legs can carry you.

{Ogara George}

My take

No one has ever loved me the way he does…yeah right! With love like this, I wonder how true love feels like. This is a get away ticket line to justify why you are still with him even though you know that you should not be there. Apologising and buying you sweet things is immaterial; it doesn’t come from his heart and he does it just to assert his authority over you and better still to insult your intelligence. In my few days on this earth, I have seen a fair share of physical abuses and I can comfortably tell you that such situations hardly get any better and as I frequently say, "there comes a time when your personal interests come before all other interests."

You did not mention it but I guess you are not financially stable, he may have isolated you from your friends and family so you have no one to turn to then he makes you believe that you cannot make it without him. These factors combined form a good platform for physical abuse .

Having lived with him for sometime, I would not take your suspicion about drugs lightly. Telltale signs that he is on drugs include having double personalities (he is one thing in the morning and a totally different person in the evening), frequent short and "unaccounted-for-periodical" disappearances and very important…how do you handle finances?

Nonetheless, no one deserves any form of abuse be it physical, emotional or psychological. Relationships and marriage disagreements will always arise but what makes the difference is how we settle these.

What about the proposal?

I hope you did not buy that; you see big mistakes call for big apologies and since he had bought you clothes, he realised the gravity of this matter and what would be a bigger gift to a woman than a marriage proposal that will never come to be. Look at the consequences of not offering a worthwhile means of apology; book him at the local police station for assault, aggravated assault, or better still, attempted murder. The sacrifice had to be huge to ensure that you remain within manageable limits.

Family and friends think you are crazy?

Yes, I also think you are crazy by subjecting yourself to this form of abuse. I know sometimes you may feel like you could have done something to deserve this and that you should forgive him but you really don’t deserve this. By staying on you will be increasing your vulnerability to even greater levels. You think no one will ever love you like he does right? I can comfortably tell you that it will be harder to get someone to love when you sit on a wheelchair. It is possible but rest assured that it will be much harder than if you walked out now with your head held high.

{Taurus}