My workmate haunting me

By Nyambura Maina

My workmate has been making advances at me. She is attractive but I have not given into temptation. I am committed to my wife and I even told her what is going on. Now my wife comes to the office to take me out for lunch everyday. She also picks me up in the evening. My workmate has become more aggressive and sends emails and text messages on my phone. How can I control the situation?

Boniface R

Romantic relationships can flourish in the workplace. However, such romances are discouraged because they create tension in the office, especially if the two parties involved have not mutually agreed on it. In your case, a female workmate has approached you with an offer you have refused to take. Further, you realise an affair with your workmate would jeopardise your marriage.

It is commendable that you chose to share the information with your wife so that she understands the pressure you endure at work. You felt safe enough to tell your wife about it because you have nothing to hide. Unfortunately, your wife chose to actively guard what she believes is rightfully hers and has been showing up in the office too often. This no doubt adds to the tension already experienced at work, not to mention the daily gossip. Your workmate on the other hand seems undeterred by your attempts to block her advances. If anything she has shifted gear and is in hot pursuit of you. This has left you feeling powerless.

Realise that as regards your workmate, ‘what you resist will persist’. The more you try to avoid her and discourage her flirting, the more she finds you attractive and the greater her resolve to keep trying. If you pay her no attention and refuse to get upset by her actions, she will soon give up and leave you in peace.

Reassure your wife. Keeping her informed about what is going on allows her to keep trusting you. Tell your wife how it affects you when she shows up in the office everyday. If you are uncomfortable with it, tell her so and look for other ways to build on and secure your relationship. Letting others take charge will heighten the drama. Gaining back control starts with you. However, you have to be clear on what you want and take appropriate actions.

Common counsel

See your Human Resource manager about your situation. What your workmate is doing is not good.

The manager may be able to solve your problem by moving you or your workmate to another department or branch office. Seeing you do something about your predicament will reassure your wife that you have no intention of hooking up with your flirtatious workmate.

Simuyu, J

Take pleasure in it

Enjoy the ego boost while it lasts. I would love it if two women fought over me. If you see it in this light then you will stop feeling victimised and overwhelmed. Your workmate is attractive and she is after you.

Even in the eyes of other male workmates your social standing is bound to rise. If I were you, I would push the situation to the limit and enjoy the adventure.

Humphrey, K

Report the offence

Report your workmate to your supervisor. She has made life difficult for you and continues to taunt you on email and on phone. It is obvious she is the kind of woman who likes to dominate and if she were in a position of power she would abuse it. Put an end to the torture by letting those in authority deal with her.

Olivia, W

Be a man

As a man, you should take control of yourself before you can tame the situation. Running to your wife to tell her another woman is harassing you is like a small boy who dashes to his mother to tell her he is being bullied. Now your wife comes to work daily to protect you from this ‘bully’ and you wonder why you have no control over this situation. Stop letting your wife fight your battles for you. Be a man and be firm about what you want. Stick to your decisions and you will find things falling into place.

Rebecca, M

Opportunistic mate

You must be in a position of power and influence. Women love that in a man and that is why your workmate is after you. Any man will tell you that as soon as you start climbing up in the world, women suddenly start eyeing you, even if you are the ugliest person on the planet. Once you become aware that your workmate is not after you as a person, but after what she can get out of you, it will become easier to thwart her advances. She is a leech waiting to suck you dry. Stay committed to the person who has been there for you and accepted you as you are -----–– your wife.

Khaled, G

Think of the dangers

Your wife is more valuable than your workmate. Since you have told your colleague about your marital status and commitment to your wife, all you can do is stand firm by your decision. Take control of the situation and think of the deadly dangers of an affair. Never react or reply to her emails and messages.

Ali Wanje

Embarrass her

Your workmate is attracted to you and you have reported this to your wife. There is nothing wrong with that. What determines the right or wrong of an issue like this is how you respond to it. In your case you have not given in to your workmate’s temptations.

Your wife’s coming to take you for lunch and home in the evening will not provide a solution.

You need to act quickly, otherwise you will find yourself attached to your workmate, betraying your marriage. Inform your other colleagues about this workmate’s behaviour. That should embarrass her into leaving you alone. If it doesn’t, take the matter to the relevant authorities in the company.

Onesmus K