By Nyambura Maina

My nine-year-old son still wets the bed at night. As parents, my husband and I are very concerned. It affects our son a lot because he is afraid to fall asleep at night. We have talked about it with him, but he gets upset and even hides his beddings in the morning when he wakes up. It is affecting his performance at school and he is reluctant to bring his friends over during the weekends to play. He also refuses to go for sleepovers when he is invited. What can we do to help him kick this habit?

Grace Kathurima

Bedwetting is a common occurrence among young children. It is also more common in boys than girls. Yet because of the secrecy surrounding it, many children and their parents sometimes feel that they are the only ones suffering the experience.

The problem comes in when the condition is not discussed due to embarrassment. This makes it hard for the child and the parents alike.

Children are made to feel humiliated and guilty and parents, in their efforts to put an end to the bedwetting, get frustrated and angry. This serves no one and in most cases makes the bedwetting persist even longer. Siblings and friends who tease the bedwetting child aggravate the situation. Sleepovers and camping trips become sources of terror rather than joy for the child who wets his bed.

Parents’ misconceptions about bedwetting can also hinder progress. Sometimes parents will believe that the child is wetting the bed just to spite them or that the child is too lazy to wake up and go to the toilet. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

As part of normal physical development, organs in the body take time to grow and mature. In some cases there is delayed bladder maturation and this makes it difficult to control urination. In other children, there is a relapse after gaining bladder control.

This can be very stressful and most times is caused by a traumatic event such as the parents’ divorce, birth of a new sibling or moving schools.

To rule out any medical reasons for bedwetting, a visit to a paediatrician is in order, especially if the child is over the age of six years. However, majority of the time there is nothing medically wrong with the child. There are cases of children who wet their beds up to mid teenage and even after visiting the doctor, no medical reasons can be established to explain the bedwetting.

Talking things over positively within the family can help children cope and eventually stop bedwetting. A number of strategies exist that can reduce and eliminate episodes of bedwetting. You can encourage your child to go to the toilet just before bedtime. Other parents go a step further and wake the child during the night at intervals so that the child can relieve himself whether the bladder is full or not. Bladder training is another way and involves asking your child to tell you when he wants to urinate and then ask him to hold it for another few minutes. This process takes time and should be done every day.

There is also the reward system whereby the parent rewards the child for having a dry night. Whatever strategy you decide to use, it is important to remember not to make your child carry any shame or guilt in regards to bedwetting. Punishment adds to these feelings and will only complicate matters.

Common counsel

No drinks before bed

It is unfortunate that at this age your son still wets the bed. As parents you should look for other alternative ways of helping him apart from talking with him. You should take a point of visiting a doctor. You should also take your child for counselling so that he continues faring well at school and doesn’t drop in performance.

Although it is embarrassing, explain and discuss the matter with your son as normal. Avoid giving your child drinks before he goes to bed and make sure he relieves himself before he sleeps. If this does not work commit yourself to waking him up at intervals during the night so that he can urinate.

With time, he might acquire a reflex reaction and be able to wake himself up during the night so that he can relieve himself. This will help him and stop him from wetting the bed.

David King’orih

Unwarranted concern

Grace, take it easy. There is nothing wrong with your son. I work as a paediatric nurse and we get worried parents bringing in their children for all sorts of unnecessary reasons from hiccoughing to bedwetting. It is very common for this sort of thing to happen to children, even at his age and you need not spend sleepless nights over it.

As a mother, it might help you to share the problem with other mothers in your neighbourhood and see what has worked for others. This way you will be assured that bedwetting is not something to be terribly concerned over.

Mary, 26

Ruthless siblings

I have three children and my last born who is now five years old still wets the bed. His siblings are ruthless when they discover that their baby brother has wet the bed. It is even harder for him because all my children share one room. I make his sister wash the sheets because my son is still too young to do laundry.

This has resulted in a lot of fights amongst the children and the house is in constant disarray with all the noise that goes on. Since the other children came out of this situation naturally, I see no reason why it should be different with my last-born. Therefore, we, as parents, do not make a big deal out of it.

Teresia Njeri

In the genes?

I have reason to believe that having a weak bladder is hereditary. The other day while visiting shags, my mother-in-law was watching me as I fussed over the children about using the toilet.

She mentioned much to my delight that she suffered the same ordeal with her son (my husband) until he was about seven. She told me how his father used to punish him for it and this caused a lot of strain between them for a long time. I have chosen to go a bit easy on my children and I do not punish them unnecessarily. I only tell the offending child to wash his or her own sheets.

Rosalind, 43

Painful recollection

My recollection of primary school days is one that brings back nightmares. I used to be bullied at school and I couldn’t tell this to my father. It was a terrible time because soon after the bullying started I began to wet the bed at night even after being dry for two years.

This was added horror for me because I was not in control of anything. With time the problem went away, but because of it I had very few friends in primary school and found it hard to adjust socially later in high school.

George, 31