Overcoming lust and adultery

I have been married four times, three of which have failed due to my lust. This has really affected my Christian life as a result of this I have backslidden several times. Currently I’m living with my fourth wife together with our two children. She is 24 years old and very beautiful, but I’ve made my three previous wives run away because of my unending lust and adultery. The first one ran away with two children, the second with one child and the third with two children from her previous marriage. I have become a regular backslider because every moment I see a nice woman I’m tempted to have sex with her and finally end up doing it. This has really confused me because and I don’t understand why I have this strong lust and desire for other women even though my wife fulfills my needs. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me? Please help me answer this question. Please also share some biblical verses to help and encourage me if you have some. Also, I have heard that there are some people who are addicted to sex, could this be the reason? {WL}

YOUR TAKE

Brother WL, it is good you already know what your weakness is — lust. I was there once and self-discipline is the cure. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you should ask God to forgive you, and He will. You are actually sitting on a landmine if you do not change your ways. Believe in yourself and know your purpose in life.

{Blicks Oyet}

Lust is a strong desire for sex and should not be confused with having a strong desire for many women. You said that your wife satisfies you, so I do not see the reason for indulging in adultery, which is a sin. You are not serious with your salvation because you know what you are doing is wrong. Walk the teaching of the Bible and allow Christ to be the leader of your life. Admiring other ladies is just a habit you have acquired and you can change or erase it from your mind. Sex is a gift from God through which couples can express their love to one another.

{David Machanje}

People do not understand that forbidden sex is the doorway for Satan to put demons into us. That is why the Bible warns us so clearly to avoid fornication, homosexuality, adultery, incest and bestiality. The devil uses several tools to bind people, which include drugs and sex. I advise you to read a book by Rebecca Brown, Vessel of Honor. Some issues, in our lives, you must know, are spiritual and need to be sorted out spiritually. What you need is a prayer to confess your sins and you will realise that you do not have to struggle with lust anymore.

{Irene Maingi}

Lust is a war we are all engaged in. But before you cheat on your wife, think of what life would be like without your wife. Marriage is the biggest commitment of your life so try and honour the vows you made. Avoid contact with other women since they will always make you want them. It is better to prevent than to cure.
{Alles}

You have sinful longing however innocent, which leads to falling away from God. In reality you do not know the meaning of salvation and marriage. Hebrews 11:25 says: "Choose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season. And James 1:15 says: "Then when lust hath conceived, it brings forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death." But "thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ," 1Corinthians 15:57. You can make it my brother I know you can make it.

{Keller Machanja}

MY TAKE

Nothing is wrong with you WL and it is not you who is addicted to sex! One critical definition we need to embrace accurately is the meaning of backsliding. Sin is not in any way equivalent to backsliding; rather, prolonged sin leads to backsliding. That every time we sin we backslide is not true. Sin has to do with our behaviour, decisions and the flesh, while backsliding is based on our belief and faith. It is when we lose these totally that we backslide.

Lust is a sin of the flesh; some doctrines call it the original or natural sin and it is one we cannot divorce ourselves from. Reading your scriptures and carefully following the teachings can only help you control your sinful nature not stamp it out. Paul, in Romans 7:18 wrote: In my sinful nature I know that nothing good lives in me"; and further on he said: "Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak". That said, we begin to appreciate that lust is a sin everyone struggles with, for we are all born of sin and if unmanaged, it can be very destructive.

Thus, the sin of lust originates right from our brain and is more rampant in men than in women. To successfully manage and eventually control it, our mind should be our starting point. Avoid situations, items and thoughts that provoke the mind to start thinking about sexual intimacy with other people apart from your spouse. There is no lust between a couple only pleasant desires; so if we directed all our sexual thoughts to our partners, then we could to a large extent control the overwhelming desire of intimacy with others.

Apart from our minds, compromising situations are the other catalysts of lust and should be avoided at all costs. However, do bear in mind that a situation is only compromising to the extent we allow it to be. We do by cultivating rather than fighting off adulterous and negative thoughts. People go on dates, colleagues travel to distant lands, work together…and all these do not make for compromising situations unless they allow it. A simple and genuine lift home for a neighbour or even working late among colleagues can turn into a compromising situation. When faced with such circumstances, engage your mind in constructive thinking rather than fuel funny ideas. The power to control lust and adultery is within you — Yes you can!

{Taurus}

IN THE NEXT ISSUE:

I was in a serious relationship with a girl for two years, which was to lead to marriage. Towards the end of the second year (late last year), she gave birth to a baby girl. During the two years we stayed separately but visited each other often. When she gave birth, she proposed to move into my place but being busy at work, I suggested she stay at her place for about a month since her friends could give her the much needed assistance and care. This was also to give me ample time to plan. Upon discharge, I enquired about some strange medicine she had been given meant for the baby and she told me she was HIV positive. Two weeks after this incident, we went for VCT (the three of us) where I tested negative and she tested positive. The child was not tested since they said the minimum age for children is 18 months. This was really a very difficult time for me and we were directed to a counsellor, an idea she flatly refused arguing that counselling won’t change anything. My problem is that I have a very strong connection to her but I am not sure if I should move on or continue with our relationship. She has refused to take ARVs and now I’m afraid for our daughter. Is our daughter at risk of contracting HIV through breastfeeding? What should I do? {HRS}