Mind the message on your tee shirt

By John K Kariuki

It is no secret that many messages on some people’s tee-shirts are outright horrifying. And the scope of the writings that are socially admissible is getting stretched daily.

As a conspiracy theorist, I think that these inscriptions are a calculated social experiment by wazungu clothes designers to test our understanding of English.

As a rule, I go for the chest (no ogling intended!) to read the tee shirt literature. And as you may have noted, we have too many new designers’ labels on tee-shirts nowadays.

Forget about the Calvin Klein, Gucci and other high fashion signatures. But be afraid of the avalanche of new and used ones that arrive daily at our shores by ship.

Every day I read rebellious edicts like Stoned Cold, Kickers, Shafted, Hippies, Johnny, Bootylicious and Am I cute or what? on people’s T-shirts. I know a matatu operator whose tee shirt message proclaims Fkkinkybugygyer! (Sorry, I have spelt it wrongly).

And a waitress in a place I frequent had been wearing tee-shirts bearing upright Christian messages like God loves you and Timothy family meeting for a long time. At some point, she must have changed her perspective in life and now goes for the ones screaming: Dirty south, Hard knock, Give it to me hard and Spook cave!

Misguided liberation

Yet, it does not take rocket science to see that some people fully comprehend the messages displayed and are out to make a social statement of misguided liberation.

You may have witnessed some apparently well-read men on weekends calmly displaying uncouth messages on their tee-shirts such as Pussy man and I have balls.

And these are the few printable messages from a rich repertoire of the public insult and swear word subculture that, apparently, churns out tee-shirts nowadays!

Generally, women are more careful dressers than men. So, it is unlikely that one would wear a tee-shirt with the inscription Kiss me accidentally to a social function and then complain all day about "shameless" men staring at her. Other spicy messages that I have seen on some women’s tee-shirts include Hug me, Hands off, Boob club and Shag well!

In my social roving, I frequently see writings that are out of sync with the wearers’ apparent characters. Like one old man’s tee-shirt message that read, Bloody fools! Equally scandalous was another man’s tee shirt inscription that read Black Hawks. By no stretch of the imagination could I associate this man with any street gangs, both local and foreign, given his social standing.

Alien slang

One hotelier is fond of wearing a tee-shirt that bears the head of the reggae maestro Bob Marley. Sometimes he wears another one with a rather unsettling masthead: Eminem, the Number One Slim Shady!

But this entrepreneur is well past the age of any possible admiration of Rastafarians and hip-hop rappers. And at a function convened to console a family that had recently been raided by gangsters, the MC came in one that had the skull and bones insignia of pirates!

At another function, somebody diplomatically drew the attention of a seemingly well-read gentleman to the message on his tee-shirt. He had no idea what the initials CCCP meant. But upon learning that this is the abbreviation of the defunct Union of the Soviet Socialist Republic he cried out, "Stalin’s country!"

It is not entirely inconceivable that some alien slang and signs on some tee-shirts could be codes for gays and lesbians, prisoners and pimps.

As I sign off to regain my breath, please be mindful of all the nuances of meaning of the messages on your tee-shirts before wearing them in public. Unless, of course, you are on some undeclared social uprising!

— jkariuki1967@yahoo.com