I am 20 years old and I have a problem with girls.
Many of them tell me I am very handsome, but I am shy and cannot face a girl, let alone make any moves at her. They are the ones that make moves at me and I don’t want this to continue.
I want to improve my tactics when it comes to dealing with girls. I want go gain confidence to be able to approach them and tell them what I want.
This situation has led me into masturbation and now I am addicted to it. I want to stop this and have a normal life. Please help me overcome this.
{Kevin}
Simon says
Kevin, your concern is genuine because there is no satisfaction if you cannot make moves at the girl you like, but have to settle for those that like you. It is the thrill of the chase that makes it intriguing.
I understand that you are shy and cannot face a girl. However, this is something you have convinced yourself about, not the reality. With human beings, it is not what you feel inside, but what you show on the outside that counts. You may be shaking inside, but if you put a brave face and show confidence, you will be taken to be brave and confident. This does not come about automatically. You have to practise until it becomes normal to you. It is not as hard as it seems, but it is not easy either. You have to put in some time and effort.
About masturbation, this is not a big problem. Most men have masturbated at one point or the other. I am sure you feel bad and get feelings of regret once you are through. This is because masturbation is wrong. It won’t take you long to realise that what you get from masturbating is a false sense of satisfaction. You feel cheated and because of the guilt, your self-esteem is greatly affected. This I why this issue with girls is not getting any easier; if anything, it may be getting worse.
How do you stop masturbating? Masturbation is addictive but cutting it starts with the decision to quit. Make a conscious decision to quit then look for the things that lead you to masturbate — adult magazines, pornography and situations of solitude — and avoid them like the plague.
Masturbation is usually an attempt to fulfil an existing need, so get a way of dealing with your sexual needs. If you can avoid the things that propel you towards masturbation and get a way of dealing with your sexual needs, the battle is halfway won. However, the biggest battle is in your mind and you have to tune it to detest the act; otherwise, you will always go back to it.
Your Say to Kevin
Your situation is touching and it is not too late to correct it. You have already initiated the redemption process when you voiced your predicament. Consult a qualified counsellor to get proper guidance on how to overcome this shortcoming. You’ll be normal brother. {Makari Elly, Butere}
Kevin, I propose to you that even though this seems to be a serious problem, keep in mind that life is enjoyable when a person lives without regrets. Our God gives second chances, so go down on your knees pray and your problems will be solved {Migiro Benson, Nairobi}
I was in a mixed high school and I used to face the same situation, but I overcame it. What helped me is that I used to be good in math and the teacher would always ask me to solve a sum on the blackboard. Everyone soon started admiring me, even the girls. As for masturbation, I don’t see any relationship it has with your fear for girls. {James Nzomo, Eldoret}
Be brave man; otherwise, you may end up a bachelor. Girls love brave and self-assured guys. Begin by reading a lot and being conversant with many topical issues and trending games and people will start listening to you.{John Cherop, Nairobi}
