By Ted Malanda
One of the most intriguing things about the ancient Nabongos of Mumias is that they designated a clan to act as official palace undertakers. When the king passed on, only members of that clan could handle his remains.
But even more interesting is that if, in the view of elders, the king had become terminally ill or too old to govern, these undertakers were authorised by law to stroll into the royal chamber and strangle him to death.
Before you consider this as macabre, examine the wisdom behind it. Remember that some of the kings lived for as long as 90 years.
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That’s a lot of salt, even for a king. It’s, therefore, possible that at some point, the king couldn’t remember the name of his youngest wife or whether he was a king in the first place.
Airlifted back
Such a royal would be removed from the palace and propped up on a stool for a dose of sunshine. Come evening, he would be airlifted back.
Totally incapable of swatting flies away, it’s reckless for even the most ardent sycophant to allege that he was in charge.
In fact, it’s likely that one of the wives was calling the shots under the guise of nonexistent ‘orders from above’.
If you consider that at the age, a man is likely to be hanging around his third wife (for some reason, young wives are regarded with spite and suspicion), then you are looking at a serious political crisis — certainly serious enough to warrant a constitutional amendment to establish the office of the royal strangler.
Likewise, imagine a king who is terminally ill in spite of the royal herbalist sacrificing countless chickens and sheep.
Country’s coffers
Matters of state stall yet the heir can’t assume leadership while the king’s heart is still beating — a king who can’t govern his own bladder, leave alone an entire kingdom.
We saw this in Nigeria recently with President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua’s terminal illness. In many parts of Africa and Asia, there are kings and presidents who are never seen in public because they spend the whole day drooling and mumbling to themselves while their wives and children plunder the country’s coffers.
In the old Wanga Kingdom, such royals would ‘die peacefully in their sleep’, courtesy of royal stranglers. Sadly, that could never work in this age. Hell, no, and I’m not referring to cops springing a murder charge on the undertakers!
What would happen is the king’s wife would fall in love with the royal banker. The banker would in turn summon an undertaker to a dark, smoky bar and offer him a fistful of cash under the table. Result? The next time the king got hiccups, he would be certified as terminally ill and briskly terminated.
