Teens of today are the most misunderstood lot. Based on their behaviour, they are blamed, judged, and shamed with labels such as angry, rebellious, entitled, lazy, argumentative, arrogant, selfish, and lost.
Another reality is that today's parents are also juggling multiple priorities and are over-scheduled and tired. But parents still use parenting techniques handed down by the previous generation, like heirlooms. The result is trying to charge an iPhone 17 with a Nokia charger: chaos and disaster.
Could this chaos be organised intentionally, to spark creativity and passion in teenagers? Let’s peek into what science says about this. Neuroscience shows that teens' brains are a work in progress. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain used for rational decision-making, referred to as the C.E.O. of the brain, supports impulse control and matures around the mid-twenties.
In contrast, the amygdala, a region that processes emotions and threats, is present and active from birth. During adolescence, the imbalance between a highly active emotional brain and a still-developing regulatory system explains impulsive, risky behaviour and exaggerated emotions.
Adolescence, from the ages of 9 to 19, is a peak period of identity crisis. They experience hormonal changes, puberty, mood swings, and a low sense of self-worth, resulting in rejection-sensitivity and a fear of failure.
During this phase, it is natural and evolutionary for children to be explorers, to push boundaries, and to fight for control, eventually forming and cementing their identity by their mid-twenties. Imagine children as cracked eggs, running in all directions due to these aforementioned factors.
Providing children with a robust, nurturing, emotionally secure, and safe environment can unquestionably ignite their innate potential to thrive. Parents need to unlearn old parenting techniques and adopt a child-centric, aligned, and informed parenting process.
Four factors are critical for healthy brain development. Factors that three decades ago, parents had in abundance, that children today don’t have. The lack of these factors incites the negative impacts on the brain health of children today. It is up to the parents to recognise the necessity of change and to fill in the gap.
- Sunlight and time in nature
- Outdoor creative play time
- Intentional, uninterrupted family time
- Socialising with the community
The reasons for the lack of these factors include overscheduled academic priorities, lifestyle choices that favour screen-based learning over conventional ways, and dual-working parents who are busy and burnt out, creating stressful home environments that compromise intentional family time.
Finally, communities are getting smaller as modern conveniences rob people of real, meaningful connections. Each of these stunts the healthy development of a human brain, making room for increased behavioural, mental, or physical health problems such as anxiety, panic attacks, depression, migraines, self-harm, screen addictions, vaping, drug abuse, dropping grades, anger outbursts, and more.
The behavioural issues lead to ruptures in relationships with parents and teachers, resulting in children experiencing psychological isolation. Children do not feel seen, heard, and understood for who they are, which results in them leaning into unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Almost all challenges parents face with their children are a cry for help disguised as bad behaviour. Peel back the layers of said destructive behaviours, and unmet emotional needs surface.
Nurture children with attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance, and bad behaviour ceases. What are emotional needs? Why are these important, and how do they impact a child’s behaviour? Can ruptures in relationships lead to disconnection? Can parents repair these ruptures?
The author is a licensed psychologist. Part two of this article focuses on repairing the rupture and creating a deeper connection with your child.
