One wedding, the baggage and bag of tricks

By Kipkoech Tanui

Watching Deputy Prime Minister Musalia Mudavadi welcomed and garlanded by United Democratic Forum (UDF) reminded me of reasons that take us to weddings. But also many things that took place at the Kenyatta International Conference Centre as Mudavadi defected were very much un-wedding like, one of them being declared ¡®husband¡¯ before he took the marital vow.

You realise like the typical Kenyan politician Mudavadi is left with two strands of his umbilical cord tied to Orange Democratic Movement; the post of Deputy Prime Minister and Sabatia constituency parliamentary seat.

I have seen arguments on the social websites that over half of our MPs are technically members of the parties on whose tickets they were elected, but they long left them and are now politically entangled in incestuous and promiscuous relationships. However, the justification always is this is the altar of our politics, where we worship the goddesses of lies, tribalism and corruption.

Now back to Mudavadi and the weddings. Granted despite the poor strategy of eloping from ODM before getting a proper home, leaving him at the mercy of nondescript seductors and seductresses, Mudavadi¡¯s parachute did actually draw remarkable attention.

This was despite the high number of low-profile politicians heading UDF, something that justifies their ¡®hunger¡¯ for him, and premature declaration he was flag-bearer without contest; the very something that he was presumably running away from in ODM.

But there is another problem with Kenyan politics and weddings ¨C attendance does not necessarily mean endorsement. Some are lured by the aroma of pilau, meat and chicken stew.

So in the party delegations that swarmed KICC, and which will definitely feature in Nakuru¡¯s Afraha Stadium when Mudavadi makes his first show in UDF colours, many were out to see what piece of the Musalia cake they can pick.

the seductors

These are the political operatives that raise their noses high up when they smell the aroma of money and influence from sufurias at the neighbours¡¯ homes.

They literally break the fence pretending their sheep are lost.

The other group in the wedding turn up to ogle at the bride because of past secret liaisons. Some could take her back to their hovels if she were to change her mind at the last minute, and still others are out to haunt her with their piercing stare.

They look for vantage position near the altar so as to silently taunt her as she tries to smile and adoringly look at her groom. It is not beyond this group to jeer and engage in cat-calls when she walks within earshot in between the pews. In the most unlikely of circumstances there are also the old lovers who genuinely are out to wish their old flame a nice send-off, but they are few indeed.

Then there are others disinterested in the marriage taking place but have been sent by old lovers to ¡®file¡¯ full report on how it went, who was there and what was said.

They are the political spies who will eavesdrop and report back dutifully what was said and done, arming the jilted lovers with ammunition which they can use to break up the budding marriage in future, or to break the heart of the unsuspecting groom.

In the wedding party, even in Mudavadi¡¯s political one on Wednesday, there are the host of friends and relatives, many of whom could have cautioned you not to jump into marriage headlong without carrying out what lawyers and accountants call ¡®due diligence¡¯.

They come to see you off, confident that they advised you and since you insisted you had met Mr or Miss Right, attend just to please you despite their reservations. They adopt a wait-and-see attitude, and if the marriage backfires, they will be the first to declare in markets and beer halls, ¡®see I told her/him!¡¯

There are those who have no choice but to be in the wedding because they are either your relatives or true friends and will take every step you take, even if it is the leap of faith Mudavadi has taken.

I call it the leap of faith because it came late, looks like little thought went into it, and is premised on one unstable variable which also buoys Kalonzo Musyoka; that William Ruto and Uhuru Kenyatta need not book a two-way ticket when called to The Hague this month.

The point is it is one thing to get the offer of marriage but it is another to make it work, and that is the challenge on Mudavadi¡¯s hands now.

We must also say even as his heart shakes with the lurking fear he may just have missed a step while walking down the aisle, the man has walked into the African political wild where hyenas and vultures lurk at every corner.

vultures and hyenas

Mudavadi has never led a party and just shadowed presidential candidates, but now he is the one in the ring, and as ¡®captain¡¯, the political vultures and hyenas are already snorting around him.

To survive this he must shun the ¡®good guy¡¯ character, roll up the sleeves, work long hours and spend less time where they sell the foamy drink. Because he has offered to lead us, it is our right to demand so.

Finally, I just hope he did not corrupt his way into UDF, meaning buying into, and that like what befell Ruto in UDM, he will not be looking for a new home and mate so soon, by which time the usual enemies of Mr Raila Odinga will be toasting to high heaven.

The writer is Managing Editor, Daily Editions, at The Standard.

ktanui@standardmedia.co.ke

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