Is your child going through anxiety?

While children’s feelings can often go ignored because it is assumed they have nothing to worry about, this common misconception is not true. Children, more often than not, go through anxiety that can be caused by various issues like the loss of a loved one, abuse, parents constantly fighting, separation and sometimes prolonged sickness.

According to a report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately 4.4 Million children between the ages of three and seventeen suffer from diagnosed anxiety globally. While 1.9 Million from the same ages suffer from diagnosed depression and these numbers keep going up each year.

The report further states that extreme depression can lead a child to think about suicide or plan for suicide. For youth ages 10-24 years, suicide is among the leading causes of death.

Some children may not talk about their helpless and hopeless thoughts, and may not appear sad. Anxiety might also cause a child to make trouble or act unmotivated, causing others not to notice that the child is depressed, or to incorrectly label the child as a trouble-maker or lazy.

Speaking to Eve, Rhoda Omondi, a teacher and Early Childhood Development trainer in Kisumu, explains that other than the above reasons, children can also acquire anxiety when they grow up in an environment where people are always fearful and anxious.

The best way to handle a child struggling with anxiety is to first accept that you cannot eliminate anxiety completely, but you can help them learn how to manage episodes of anxiety. 

“While most parents do not even know their children are going through anxiety, some simply avoid situations that make their children anxious. Sheltering them from their fears doesn’t make the situation better. It only delays what is yet to come,” Rhoda explains.

Even well-meaning parents can fall into the negative cycle of anxiety. They too can miss to notice their children are going through anxiety.

Probably your child will start exhibiting new characters or regressing to older habits like bed wetting, loss of appetite or crying a lot. Sometimes you will notice a child clutching to you all the time and they no longer want to sleep alone.

“Some of these changes are normal, most kids are naturally fearful but when a child exhibits extreme fear and panic whenever some things are talked about or someone is mentioned, they could be suffering from anxiety,” Rhoda says.

She further elaborates that as much parents love their children and protect them from their fears, this might actually make the situation worse. It is good to teach children how to handle their fears.

“Be patient with your child. Understand and believe their fears are real. Although you cannot completely take away their anxiety but you can try to work through what triggers their fears. When you understand your child with time their fears decrease and disappear overtime.

“Children are first learners, and when you constantly whisk them away from their stress triggers they learn to adopt to these situations as a coping mechanism. When they learn from an early stage that they can run away from things that give them stress, they will have a problem handling bigger issues when they are adults and are out in the real world,” she urges.

It is important to be realistic when talking to your children about their fears. Do not be the condescending parent because you find their fears unfounded. Be there for them and show confidence in whatever they are doing.

When a child expresses fear towards something, urge them that everything is going to be okay and when they fail, assure them it is okay. Teach them the importance of facing their fears, this way it will be easier to manage and get over them.

Rhoda also advises that: “It is important know to the difference between respecting your child’s feelings and empowering their fears. The message you want to send to your child is very important, of course you want them to know you believe them and that you want to genuinely help them overcome their fears but ensure you don’t do it in a way they feel it is okay to live with a fear.”

She also asks parents to avoid constantly reinforcing their children’s fears or throwing light jabs at the children over their fears.

For instance, when you know your child is afraid of the dark, don’t constantly put it out there like it is something to be proud of, or taunt her about a ghost that will eat her at night.

You might think you are helping them while you are unintentionally confirming their fears and telling them truly there is something to be afraid of in the dark.

“Encourage your children to learn how to tolerate their fears until they can overcome them. When a child has anxiety attacks, this can prevent them from engaging in their normal life. When children learn to face their stressors, it is called the habituation curve. They learn to tackle it head on, the anxiety slowly drops and takes its natural course,” Rhoda explains.

It is also important to think things through with your child. Sit down and try to figure out what would really happen if their fears actually came true.

Anxieties are mainly caused by either experiences from the past or things yet to come. In the former, talk to your child and reassure them that whatever happened to them will not happen again and that you are there with and for them.

As Rhoda puts it: “It is hard to talk to a child about a fear they have already had an encounter with but it is not impossible. However, when they are anxious of the unknown like failing in exams or letting you down, you can talk them through and show them how you handle your stresses. Let them know it is okay to fail but what’s important is that you keep on trying.”