Caroline Mutoko is arguably the queen of radio. Her career spans 14 years, 10 of which she has spent at Radio Africa’s Kiss 100. Love or hate her, Mutoko has no apologies to make for her brutal honesty on air, which has, on a few occasions, seen her hauled to court to defend her words in defamation suits.
She maintains there’s nothing controversial about what she does or says as she simply states the issues as she sees them. Having cemented her career, Mutoko is now ready to settle down and start a family.
I have always said I_m a lucky girl. I’m breathing better because I’m in my 30s and frankly, I would never want to go back to my 20s. At that stage, you’re always wondering; do I fit or not? She spoke to NJOKI KARUOYA
I’m I wearing the correct clothes, I’m I with the right crowd, I’m I dating the right guy, I’m I in the right car? Being 20 is tough.
You calm down in your 30s and in the last year, I have learnt to be comfortable. For me, if you are not adding value, I will not accommodate you. I have become more tolerant but also more impatient.
Tolerance to me is, I will hear you out anyway. Impatience for me is, I will not put up with the same nonsense over and over again.
I would love to have children but I’m not a fairy-tale girl. I believe you have to do it when you are aware of what you are doing. It’s something you pray about then do. There was a time I would say, I’ll wait until I have the entire package. Problem is sometimes you have the package then three years down, it’s gone!
Marriage and children
I want to be a great mother. I want to bring up an amazing person. For me it’s not a need to procreate because as a woman I can. I just want to do it well. I’m ready for the next season of my life.
I always dreamt of having six children when I was younger, but now with all the realities, I’m thinking one or two. I’m a huge believer in marriage.
However, I don’t believe in getting married because "it’s the done thing".
Marriage and children are great but they are not for everybody. Just because one woman wants it doesn’t mean every woman must.
The last one-and-a-half years have been shocking. I have realised women are crazy and men don’t know how crazy we are. They think they know but I also realised that when your girlfriend goes through something, you go through it with her.
I’ve realised marriage is not a career and, sadly, nobody told us that in our 20s when we were drawing up big pictures. Some of my best friends are women in their 40s who say; "I hope you are planning your life. I hope when you have children you will have the number you can raise, not the number he wants". That is worth thinking about.
god’s work
A friend of mine once gave a talk and said, once you are married, get a life! It was like a sledgehammer thrown in the room as most were like, what do you mean?
She explained that the mistake women make is once they get married, they create this cocoon of unrealistic expectations.
In the last two years, five of my friends, including my sister Regina, have divorced. It’s horrifying how fast marriages in my generation are going down the drain. It’s great to have a companion and a life partner, but don’t get married because he is an ATM or because you think he will be the provider of your dreams. It’s wrong and unfair to the man.
Somebody also needs to tell us what this institution of marriage is all about before we order the dress. Many women don’t want to listen because they are too caught up in the dress, the flowers and the cake. I have stopped going to bridal showers where there is a sex therapist because I believe no amount of sex will take you anywhere if you don’t have a good relationship. A man can pay for it anyway.
I have watched relationships fall apart in the last two years and known that if you are not friends with your partner, the relationship is doomed. These observations have made me calm down. Once you’ve gone from one court hearing to the next, you ask yourself; "what is it I’m looking for?"
Right now I’m enjoying my life because I’m in a good place with my family, my God and myself. I believe passionately in my charities. I have 30 children I pay school fees for at St Phillips School in Mathare. Shockingly, each child’s school fees is Sh950 a term. That’s all it takes. I also have another two kids I’m educating. Then I support one child in the jiggers campaign and each month, I write a cheque of Sh5,000 to Ahadi Kenya.
I also work with rural girls’ schools where the issues are water, lack of dormitories and sanitary towels. I didn’t know until 2005 that there are girls who use rags instead of sanitary towels. I work with schools in Siakago, Eldoret, Machakos, Kilifi, Mbooni and Laisamis, where I was shocked to learn that underwear is unheard of! So much for giving them sanitary towels!
I call all my charity work God’s work. This is my tithe. My charities balance me and I get a lot of satisfaction. My mother keeps thinking I’ve gone over-board with my charities but it’s because I feel I have lost too much time not giving back.
With my job, I have to find a balance in my work and life. I want to be challenged in areas where I am capable. My horror is that it took me a long time to realise the platform I sit on.
Time management
Last year was about setting priorities and I’m proud to say I bought a house off a plan. It is now ready and preparing to move in has given me an opportunity to de-clutter once again. Today, I get shocked at how much more I save. Buying a house set me on a different tangent.
As I left the bank, my head was spinning from the repayment schedule, legal fees, stamp duty and evaluation fees ... and they all come one after the other. There should be a support group for people who take mortgages.
I once lived in a world where US$300-400 (Sh24,000-32,000) meant a good handbag. Today, you won’t find me blowing cash on crazy stuff, because I’ve learnt it is how you dress up something and not where you buy it that counts. I’m also the worst haggler. I go to Ngong Road and haggle and, if I don’t get what I want, I walk to the next guy. You can buy a bed from there then walk into Mr Price and buy the accessories.
My life is about how I manage my money, my time and whom I consider my friends. I believe in planning and I don’t like it when people become anxious around the 15th or 20th of the month because they are broke.
