Men love gossip as much as women

It is commonly thought that it is women who love to spread rumours and gossip about friends behind their backs, but according to Linda Keya and David Odongo, men are worse!

Three men are huddled in an office corner, whispering in hushed tones. They periodically look over their shoulders towards where the newly promoted manager sits. It doesn’t help that she is the youngest in the office, and so far, the prettiest.

“She must have slept with the director,” mumbles one from the side of his mouth.

“No way, she sleeps with the chairman. The cook said that the cleaner told him that the watchman said that the chairman’s driver whispered the chairman sent him to deliver a wrapped package at her house,” adds another.

Would that qualify as gossip?

Just confide

“No way! Men don’t gossip. We just confide in each other,” says Peter Munyuthe, a lawyer, arguing that men only share confidential information.

Studies show that men who gossip outnumber women two to one, and that 80 per cent of their conversations can only be described by the famous line, ni kama ndrama, ni kama vindeo.

Yet from time immemorial, even in folktales, it has been women who gossip. The girl who would take hours fetching water from the stream was gossiping. The woman who spent the whole day at the market place and failed to prepare the husbands’ food on time was gossiping. The jealous co-wife who let the stew burn was gossiping with her neighbour.

But a study carried out by Western Canadian University claims, that although men and women love to gossip, chatter tends to bring guys closer but tears female friends apart.

The study found that men chat about shared activities like sports, which automatically brings them closer, while women chat about physical appearance, which can endanger friendships.

Yet another study recently conducted by global research company, Onepoll, revealed that men spend an average of 76 minutes a day chatting and gossiping with their friends or work colleagues, compared to just 52 minutes for women.

The study also found that the favourite gossip topics for men include the antics of drunken friends, old school friends, rumours about possible relationships in the office or the boss, promotions, sex, salaries and the most attractive girl at work.

Women, on the other hand, were found to be more likely to complain about other women, other people’s sex lives and so forth.

Gentlemanly

The study further found that office is the preferred place for men to exchange gossip and that guys are happiest when chatting with work colleagues. In fact, 58 per cent of the men sampled admit that being a gossip makes them feel “part of the gang”.

“Take for instance information on anything that happens in our office. It’s the men who perpetuate it.  We even have a guy in the office we call CNN. Not that he gossips, but he knows everything about everybody” says Ken Mogotu, an office administrator.

Mogutu, however, lays down the rules on how to gossip like a man: “Men are allowed to gossip but in a ‘gentlemanly’ manner. If you want a promotion, don’t talk about the boss. Never say mean things about others and choose appropriate locations. Don’t gossip in the office. Only gossip in pubs and stick to juicy funny gossip, nothing scandalous.”

You may want to argue that men discuss subjects considered more important, including politics, business, and sports among others. But I’ve got news for you.

In most male dominated circles, guys will have fun bashing another person because of how they walk, talk, eat, and socialise. 

You will over-hear one guy talk about another man not dressing ‘his age’, who they have an eye for on social media or at the office, and how he is not good in bed, beats his wife, does not provide for his mother or simply saying, ‘did you hear about so and so…etc.’ Sometimes this if followed by the hearty market place laughter and suspicious looking faces.

Prof Nigel Nicholson, a psychologist and author of Human Behaviour, Managing the Human Animal, says, men gossip and enjoy a gossip more than women.

“Perhaps they only do it better and call it ‘networking’ instead. Men are much more interested in who is up and who is down, while women focus more on who is in and who has merit,” says the professor.

Their main topics when dishing dirt include women colleagues, who will or was first to sleep with her (and oh, they can be quite descriptive, these men) and who is in line for sleeping with the boss to get her way up the job ladder.

Big egos

Paul Namai, a Social Psychology lecture at the Masai Mara University, formerly Narok University, probably sums it best: “Men too, love gossiping about something spicy.

It all boils down to the fact that it boosts our already so blotted big egos, only that we call it discussing issues, sharing ideas or networking if you will.”

So it would seem the ‘gossip’ word only exists in women talk. Men give it flowery names to draw a clear distinction between them and women, and also to ensure men do not look belittled or even equal to women.

“It is just like driving. Both women and men drive, but we call female drivers locomotors while the men are now the drivers!” explains Namai

Ask a group of males who engage in tittle-tattle to note down how they feel when they gossip about people and you will be shocked at the outcome. It is all about the three letters ‘EGO’.

When a guy is the first to know and pass on mischievous information about others, it kind of gives them the feeling of ‘I am on top of things’ — resulting to a well-oiled and massaged ego.

They definitely feel better about themselves, especially when they criticise another person’s behaviour. It gives them a sense of moral superiority and shows others that they know a little bit more than what their mates know.

Modern men are, especially the biggest culprits. Most of them do not necessarily need a huge group to put whatever they need across. Neither do they need to go ‘tsu tsu tsu’ because they are not as good as women when it comes to expressing themselves.

Whispering

However, they still dish out dirt. Some have even taken it a notch higher by taking gossip to social media. All they need to do is to ‘what’s up’ someone next to them or better still a contact in their phonebook and the real deal is sealed. This is considerably the most efficient way because whispering could jeopardise their confidentiality.

They also use emails and the ‘mpango wa inbox’ business to spread stuff about other people.

A sample group of women these writers spoke to concur that men definitely gossip more.

“On normal circumstance, they may not talk a lot, but give them a little inducement like alcohol, and you will see the streak of bitchiness in them. Top on their gossiping list are secret liaisons, inept lovers and overpaid but ‘useless colleagues and, of course, their wives,” the women said.

Harold Ayodo, the head of Legal Communication at the Law Society of Kenya, has an entirely different take, though.

“I think men hardly gossip. We tend not to get too wrapped up in our friends’ business or to a larger extend other people’s businesses. I guess we can be fairly selfish creatures. We really enjoy talking about ourselves – plans, accomplishments, sexual conquests – when we are young.”

As men age, says Ayodo, they shift to talking about sports, work, family, investment and cars. It basically shifts from merely driving, to what one is driving. According to the lawyer, men only flaunt their best qualities, which includes intelligence.

“If I am speaking something sensible to showcase my hold over a particular subject or while spending time with friends, why should I be branded a gossip?” he poses.