Only sugar babes can sweeten the life of a campus boy

I am in my final lap as a comrade, which is pointless considering plumbers without the knowledge of Y chromosome earn more than a graduate in a month.

I can definitively affirm that a university boy dating or buying a campus girl pizza, mutura or drinks is a shoddy investment whose returns can make you a broke campus dad.

My guy, the future of any bright campus dude is in attracting, getting and maintaining a 28 or 38-year-old employed sugar babe because in this era of vindu vichenjanga, the campus boy drowns in a pool of debts, betting addiction and dry spells as campus babes strut around in 30-shilling tights, fifty-shilling crop-tops, drinking our fathers’ money whilst rubbing their poisoned buttocks on our daddies’ potbellies and earning pocket money that isn’t theirs by birthright.

This era’s sugar mommy understands shimmy shimmy yay shimiyo shimiyay, she can bra bra bila kusikia and she isn’t ‘dame wa mashisha’. She buys her drinks and your drinks bro (imagine three cold beers trembling in fear of your thirst?) And she doesn’t ask for your 100 shillings in a club to buy water because ‘anaskia amelemewa’; she handles her liquor well. Then ikifika wakati ‘waku-get-it’ she orders an Uber, pays and even settles the bill for protection.

If any ‘enlightened’ campus bro seeks to stay afloat this tough economy, the loophole is in getting a sugar girl for free at an easy fee. The important things in campus like weed, a romp in the hay, alcohol and a good time in a club can be fully provided by a 28 year old employed sugar babe who can buy breakfast and give you bus fare to campus.

All this enticing Campus girls in clubs are just broke ladies in cheap shoes earning drinks and attention from the currency of their looks and behinds because we have dotted on them. Gave them the unfounded thought that their presence in our tumultuous campus life as men of higher learning is godsend. And now that the semester is in a coma who and where in this our land and nation will a campus dude lay? Brothers, my sermon is over. Can we now get ourselves some sugar-babes?