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Well, the beloved husband, probably called
‘baba’ Johnny, who happens to be the head of the family by virtue of the fact
that he wears a trouser and an old coat, leaves very early in the morning, as
if he is an expectant woman whose labour has arrived at the perfect timing.
Speaking of labour, a little bird told me that the best time for pains to start
is very early in the morning, rather than late at night, when finding a vehicle
is a nightmare, unless you own one. He (husband) heads for the usual drinking
den as if reporting to a new work station, following an appointment. Whether the bar is a few metres or miles away,
he will not care. What matters to him is to get there by all means. His mind is
fixed on the end goal, which is to give that bottle of beer some kisses and
trust me when I say that the bottle will get better and most passionate kisses
than his dear wife. As he gulps down the beer, to quench his
supposed thirst, the beer will be tearing him to pieces. CEOs see Trump tariffs, high taxes hurting growth in 2026 PHOTOS: Wetang'ula gains regional support for top seat in 2032 Three killed as giant tree crushes house in Kisumu ODM fights back attempts by fringe parties to infiltrate Nyanza “Another one!” He will shout at the
bar attendant after swallowing the contents of the bottle. He gulps down the contents of the second bottle
in a similar manner, his Adam’s apple jumping up and down with excitement. With every sip of beer, the man becomes less
sober. With every bottle the bar maids become more beautiful. He buys them one
or two drinks. Some evil minded – get rich quick – kind of bar maid might play
along with his romantic ‘prey’ and ends up relieving of his hard earned cash. Later in the evening, he will be heard singing
songs off key as he heads to his house, walking blindly as is the norm. He will
be staggering form one side of the road, sometimes falling into a ditch. The beloved husband and father will probably be
hurling insults at everyone who passes by, and the recipients of the insults
will ignore him, not that they are afraid of him, but because they are afraid
of committing murder. Of course the general consensus among the insulted people
will be that he is a stupid man from head to toe. If he was lucky, not to be robbed by the bar
maids, then someone else will take the opportunity to empty his pockets of any
legal tender, as he slips into a temporary coma by the road side. By good luck he gets home, thanks to assistance
by good Samaritans who most likely collected him from the ditch. Are you
surprised? Actually we still a few good Samaritans existing in the twenty first
century. He looks muddy and wet like a duck and has no recollection whatsoever
as to how he got home. In fact he somehow believes that he had the strength to
walk all the way home. He has forgotten that along the way, he slipped into a
temporary coma, because of taking liquor on an empty stomach. He does not
remember that some good Samaritans fed him with milk, to save him from imminent
death. The consolation is that, he is still safe and
sound, except for a few bruises and cuts all round, the suspects being the
frequent falls and some barbed wire somewhere, giving everyone a sigh of relief
for, at least , they do not have to organize for a funeral. Remember coffins
are expensive nowadays and you also have to tolerate some politicians who might
want to hijack the funeral ceremony and turn it into an opportunity to gain
political mileage or settle scores with an opponent. They have also been known
to fight, during such solemn occasions. His next target is food. Yes! Now he wants food!
And he will bark at everyone as if he did them some good. He cannot even
remember that he left the wife with no money for food and woe unto the wife,
for without food, war will be part of life.
Then comes the dreaded time; time to retire to
bed. The wife wants to sleep because of exhaustion and constant worry, while he
husband wants to sleep because he is drunk. But the husband is all muddy and
even the children are in agreement that he does not look like a daddy. But he
wants to get into bed without having a shower. He is afraid of water! Yes,
daddy and husband is afraid of taking a shower! But all the same, he will force
his way to bed and snore away like a well fed pig, but wait, you switch off the
lights and he will demand for his marital rights. You thought he was sleeping,
huh!READ MORE
The pain of having a drunkard for a husband
By Edwin Chirchir
| Oct. 20, 2016
