A farmer’s easy guide to naming livestock!

Farming in Africa is an interesting occupation. When we plough the soil with our in-born energies, we sing along to gain the psyche to finish the work. The same with how we deal with our livestock. Now, we are not the kind to give codes to animals. Codes are lifeless and boring things that are used in Europe and at the ASK Shows. Imagine a code for a cow with an ear-tag ‘AIDS16’ supposedly meaning mean Ayrshire Infant Delivered Saturday, 2016. Very insulting I dare say.

Naming your farm animals suggests you are a caring and observant farmer, and it gives the animals a feeling of being loved, of being one in a million. There are a few ways you can use to name your farm animals. The first is using your life experience with your family, friends and relatives. You may see a particular trait in your animal that reminds you of that loved one or hated one. My chicken-farmer friend in Nakuru supplies eggs to that beautiful town. She does however have one particular hen that is fat and lazy. It can achieve a time of 1 metre a minute if it were to compete in the chicken Olympics. This hen is named Zipporah, after a particularly fat classmate that my friend had ages ago.

Nagging lover

Sometimes you may have to name your animals in groups. A good sheep farmer from Molo has three male Dobermans which work together to protect his farm. The funny thing is that these clever dogs, having realised their reputation alone is enough to deter intruders, have formed a habit of sneaking out of the farm from around 9pm to visit bitches in the neighbourhood and return before cock-crow. These three have been aptly called by the farmer’s daughter Team Mafisi, complete with a chairman, secretary and organising secretary.

What the animal has ever done to you is also an opportunity for naming. Take the example of the heifer presented to Rt Hon Raila Odinga by his friend Hon Henry Kosgey. Immediately the heifer realised it was changing owners it went into a rampage, chasing Raila around at high speed. For such a heifer, Raila is well advised to name it after any one of the many people who work to scuttle his presidential ambitions. And he has a wide choice. I am sure that heifer, currently at his Opoda farm, is named either Toroitich, Jubilee or Miguna-Miguna.

But there are also dos and don’ts of naming your livestock. Please do not name your chickens or goats or cows or pigs or rabbits after your children. That is a sure way of inviting uncontrollable tantrums the day you decide to slaughter or sell them. It is OK, to name the livestock after your enemies though, because there is no better revenge than serving your enemy hot for lunch. Finally, some livestock can be named but never, ever called out loud.

If your lover is nagging, hopeless and careless, you may name the animal that drains your capital and yet gives little produce after them. Point of caution though, only call that animal kimoyomoyo lest you make an early visit to the grave.

The writer is a hobbyist farmer at The Peasant Shamba, Kisumu