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BY HAMZA BABU
A woman by the name of Kadogo is making headlines in our side of the clouds, for having recently dumped her 17th husband, who she had only lived with for less than a year.
She makes up for her small size by posting some of the biggest scandals.
Modi, the guy in question, was warned that he was getting into a union with the most notorious serial widow, but love blinded his eyes and blocked his ears so he could neither hear nor see.
“The woman was literally drinking from the fountain of youth,” comments a customer nodding towards the direction of Modi who had been reduced to a sagging mass of jelly.
Squandered
Someone reminds the house the drama that ensued when a delegation to save Modi consisting of his uncles visited their son at the residence of Kadogo.
They got there to find the woman filing her nails. When they declared their intentions, she advised them to ‘mtieni kamba shingoni’ (leash him). That is when fireworks started. Modi frogmarched his uncles from his house and told them never to darken his door again.
“I am a grown man who knows what I am doing,” he told them warning that he was tired of people sticking their noses in his private matters.
Within the short time he was ‘Mr Kadogo’, his entire inheritance got squandered by a woman he used to fondly refer to as ‘Chaklet’.
Cannibalised
“Sikio la Kufa halisikii dawa (a dying ear pays no heed to advice),” declared a customer to the unfortunate young man at my Kahawa Tungu Cafe.
“That woman has cannibalised so many of your ancestors so there’s nothing really strange here,” he advises.
As they say, ‘Mapenzi ni kikohozi (love, like a cough, is impossible to hide)’ and it is easy to see that unless they perform ‘zunguo’ (charms), he will waste away the remainder of his life stalking his ex. Crushes can be devastating.
“So this woman is our celeb femme fatale with so many X’s of hers either six feet under, or broke beyond redemption,” he kept telling the lad.
“Thank the Almighty for small mercies for as you see, you are still alive and kicking, and that makes you a winner because you came out intact!”
Fun
The gang do all they can to make the young the man realise he survived the woman and, therefore, he should cheer up.
Besides, being around a man looking like it’s just about to rain is never much fun.
And since some of his uncles were in the house, it was decided that they would follow up- the ‘Zunguo’ with a quickly arranged marriage to cure him of his crush.
“That way, he will be okay after sampling the delights of a young wife,” concludes one guy.
“Meanwhile, Kadogo is single and ready to mingle. Is anyone interested in getting caught up in her sticky web?” joked one customer.
At that, the house is almost brought down with laughter. People drink up and we close for the day.
