By Dizzybee
What drives you? I’m not talking about the ex-vogue machine that my sister has been talking about with every breath, or that ka-Vitz that was about to be swept away at the ‘traffic dam’ that was Thika Super Waterway recently.
I mean the kind of drive that gets you up each day, out of bed and into the freezing weather of the morning, only to suffer the afternoon heat in the weather that is uniquely Nairobi.
Lately, it’s been a stretch for me to get up and have my day roaring to a great start. The only thing that motivates me is knowing I have two mouths to feed, and some dependents waiting for my monthly cheque. Pretty sad life, huh? Sometimes though, that’s the push I need to shove me right into my day. Mondays are no longer blue – my life has become numb to it; but so has Tuesday right into Friday, I couldn’t care about the output of my work, so long as I get it done.
I can’t help thinking that I’m a sellout to this entire world of seven billion or so people by just wanting to ‘do what I need to do’ instead of doing what I do passionately. If I don’t get my bit done, what about the rest of the world. Yes, I can’t save everyone, but surely there must be a ripple effect? And so, won’t I be just making my life even more miserable? I know, I know, I give myself headaches thinking like this but really, I can’t help it.
If I can’t be the best that I’m designed to be, then I’m simply taking the easiest option on life, instead of facing challenges that I know that are within my scope. All it takes is some willpower and motivation, whether it is the cheque at the end of the month, or the joy of seeing work coming to life.
All I’ve done so far is speak the thoughts in my head — I wonder what’s going in on yours at the moment. Katy Perry (shoot me for quoting her) sang so aptly: Do you ever feel like a paper bag drifting in the through the wind, wanting to start again? I do. I want to get out there and light up like a bundle of fireworks that have been rolled in gold dust and let loose in the skies. I’m off to find my mojo. Wherever it’s hiding, I’m going to drag it out.
