Overcoming non-drug addiction

By LUCY MARONCHA

When the word ‘addiction’ is mentioned, the mind quickly goes to alcohol, drug and substance abuse. But there are other kinds of addiction that often go unnoticed and are rarely spoken about, yet they affect many people. These include addiction to sex, crime, lying and gambling.

These addictions are ignored either because not many people understand them or they do not seem to do their victims any visible damage. But experts warn that despite often being dismissed as ‘bad habits’ that will stop at some point, these enslavements can be very harmful and can lead to serious mental disorders if not addressed in time.

Martin Muli, a counsellor at Nairobi Place, an addiction treatment centre, says that addiction is complicated, destructive, sometimes messy, and touches the lives of everyone around the addict.

“Family members or friends who have witnessed the damage the addict has inflicted on himself or herself may also be affected by the negative physical, emotional, social and financial effects of addiction,” Muli says.

Muli further points out that persons with addictive diseases continue to abuse substances or activities despite adverse consequences such as medical, legal, relational, and employment problems.

“The drive to abuse the substance or activity is seemingly stronger than one’s love or loyalty to an employer or a friend; and stronger than one’s values or even spiritual tenets. Persons with addictive diseases continue with the abuse long after any rational individual would.”

Experts have categorised addictions in various segments, which include feelings, thought, activity, substance and relationships. All these addictions have different effects and manifest in different ways.

Sexual addiction

Anna* a 20-year-old university student, says her sexual addiction sprang from her desire to be loved. She related sex to being loved, and attributes her longing for affection to being brought up in an abusive family, where her parents were constantly fighting and had no time for her.

“I always dreamt of being loved and cuddled, even as early as the age of seven,” she recalls.

When she got to puberty, the thoughts matured into sexual and romantic lust. And when she joined the university, she turned to masturbation and spent sleepless nights cuddling her pillow and fantasising about marriage and sex.

“When I repeatedly failed in my assessment tests, I realised there was a problem and shared my concerns with a social worker in my neighbourhood,” Anna says.

She was advised to visit a psychiatrist, who assessed her and found that she was depressed and was developing a mental disorder. He referred her to a rehabilitation centre where she was helped to overcome her addiction.

Strangely, Anna recalls that during that period of addiction, she preferred fantasising about sex to having it with her boyfriend.

“But the thoughts overwhelmed me,” she recalls. “Sometimes, I would see a man and my mind would race to sex and I would be drowned in the thoughts until I got dizzy!”

Many times, her teachers both in primary and secondary school would awaken her up from daydreaming in class, but they thought that she was thinking about her family issues so the addiction was never addressed. This, she confesses, was also because she had never disclosed what was tormenting her to anybody for fear of embarrassment.

Dr John Mburu, a psychiatrist, says that there are cases where addictions are prompted by stress, and they become a way to escape from reality. When a person is stressed, their wellbeing is threatened, so they might develop a habit to distract themselves from the difficult reality.

“Unknowingly and gradually, the idea becomes a habit, which eventually matures into an addiction” Mburu says. “Addictions eventually turn into personality disorders, which require treatment from a psychiatrist, failure to which they become mental disorders.

“No addiction should be taken lightly; whether it is substance abuse or ‘mere’ shop-lifting, ultimately, it will mature into something enormous.”

Despite coming from a wealthy family and being everyone’s darling at home, Paul, a recovered crime addict, developed the desire to steal from an early age. By Standard Six, he had been expelled from five schools because of bullying and stealing.

“I would steal things I did not even need or know how to use,” he admits.

Later, he became a pickpocket in the streets of Nairobi, before graduating to robbery with violence.

SERIAL ROBBER

“I realised that I was addicted to crime when, even after being beaten by mobs, being arrested and serving jail terms, I could not resist going back to being a robber,” Paul says.

He sought help while serving a life sentence in a maximum-security prison and continued with his counselling sessions even after being released following a successful appeal. He says belonging to a church enabled him to keep good company. Five years down the line, he is happily married and makes an honest living to sustain his family.

But Suzie is not so lucky and admits to being overpowered by addiction. She says she started gambling when she was a First Year student in the United States.

“My girlfriends were doing it and because I do not drink and had a stable boyfriend, whom I had left in Kenya, I had nothing else to entertain me,” she recounts.

She started going to casinos in the backstreets of the city where she was studying, and before she knew it, she had gone full throttle into gambling.

She regrets that by the time she was completing her course, she was so indebted to all her friends that she had to sell most of her personal effects. Even then, some of the little money she got from the sale and from some of her good friends also found its way into the casinos.

Suzie, who is now married and a mother of one, says that she still gambles although her husband is against it.

“I have refused to go to a rehabilitation centre as my husband suggests because I doubt that this habit has anything to do with therapy. I have a good job, and although I find myself broke most of the time, I do not hurt anybody when I gamble; if I lose, too bad!” she says.

Denial

Chris Lyimo, the general manager of the Nairobi Place and author of My Side of the Street, describes denial as a complex concept that includes many factors, which cause the addict to be out of touch with reality.

“The addicts consequently lie and manipulate to protect their ability to satisfy the need to abuse the substance or activity,” Chris says. “The addicts also lie to themselves and come to believe their own distortions.”

Denial also manifests itself when a person is unable to recall events occurring while under the influence. Being unable to remember many of the negative events they are being accused of adds to the addict’s confusion, frustration and delusion.

“The addict has a selective memory that tends to remember only the good events and forget the unpleasant times,” Chris stresses.