Palaver

The practice of gathering kaya elders, kiama wazee and tribal councils for a self-coronation has gone international: Muammar Gadaffi, tried to enter an Africa Union meeting with a gang of African kings and get himself declared ‘King of Kings’ of a United States of Africa. What he didn’t count on were rivals. In a room full of aspiring Presidents-for-life and small-time despots, there were many. Pity there was no live media coverage: the rough and ready Mzee M7’s putdown must have been priceless!

*****

Two Grand Opportunists who bought and sold, sight unseen, 20,000 bags of maize between them and reportedly pocketed millions in profit were shocked into silence when their names appeared in sections of the media in connection with the scandal. After time spent underground, perhaps destroying evidence, they are back, faking concern over the scandal. "Tell them to shut up," says Abdalla Abdalla. "Or to tell us who has paid them to be concerned."

*****

Could the Professor of Mathematics be so much of a pragmatist, he sees a lesson in every experience? While the First Lady was unimpressed with his admonition to the Molo tanker fire survivors, Palaver can’t help but wonder whether George gives himself the same advice. After being ‘poisoned’ by Robert Ouko’s killers, did he say to himself: "Wacha hiyo iwe funzo kwako..."

*****

Everybody and their idiot cousin wants to be a member of the team to review the constitution. Does the large number of applications reflect the low opinion in which we hold the process? We should avoid the 1999 errors where girlfriends and drinking buddies were given priority, leading to hasara at Hazina Tower!

*****

And finally...

A hapless thief drilled his way into a French bank at the weekend, missed the safe and instead found himself in a lavatory where he was promptly arrested. The 21-year-old’s plan went to crap when he drilled into the toilets thinking that he was going to end up in a room housing safe deposit boxes and triggered alarms!

—palaver@eastandard.net