I remember this fine gentleman who stole a car in Eldoret several years ago with a plan, perhaps, to sneak into Uganda and peddle it in the spirit of the East African Community.

Unfortunately for him, someone called the boys in blue and they swung into action (I love this phrase). They gave chase, and when our man realised things were elephant, he ducked into a small market centre, ran into a building, sort of kidnapped the occupants and took vantage position by one window.

What this means in military parlance is that our man had tactical advantage. So each time a boy in blue showed his face, he took a shot at him and send him scampering for cover.

Those who have been watching too many movies would expect the Recce Squad, the men of men, to swing into action, but it doesn’t make much sense to fly them 500 km away to sort out one tiny hoodlum.

Equally, our man, cornered as he was, should have known that it was time to surrender and came out hands in the air.

But again thugs are not the brainiest people around, so I suppose the fool thought cops would get hungry, go for lunch and allow him to sneak off.

What he had, however, not factored in is that in that rural hamlet was an ageing policewoman, a mother of two, if I recall correctly.

Nothing unique about that. Female cops get babies all the time. Thing is this our girl in blue had a secret. Ten years earlier, as a recruit constable at Kiganjo, she passed out with flying colours and was named second best rifle marksman.

How or why a girl with such unique talents was allowed to waste her life away in the village interrogating chang’aa drinkers is neither here nor there.

So when she picked the incident on a crackling ‘over over’, she did what cops do best.

She reached for a G3 rifle and swung into action. Speeding to the scene, most likely at the rear of a bicycle, she told the men to step aside and let the village recce squad to handle the matter.

Crawling into sniper position, she waited for an hour, two, for the lout to peep through the window and the second he did, boom.

As we speak, he is swapping war stories with fellow gangsters in the land where hooligans go when cops return heavy fire.

But this chap is not the only criminal to have the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I recall an incident where some hooligans went to rob a shop in Eastleigh at gunpoint. Unknown to them, the shopkeeper’s husband was a provincial police officer who happened to be on leave. When they shouted “Kila mtu akae chini!” the senior cop chose to disobey that unlawful command and charged.

Sure they shot him, but he still wrestled one goon to the ground, disarmed him and quickly dispatched him and his comrades to the next world.

And that is precisely what I am talking about. The country is crawling with military types – police, army, prison warders, game rangers, you name it. What this means is that a good honest thief who is trying to fend for his harem has no idea whether there is a guy lounging with a gun in the very place he intends to rob.

So what should have been an easy of job of hopping aboard a matatu and asking passengers to remove everything ends up being a trip to city mortuary because there was an AP sergeant who chose to visit his mother-in-law with a pistol tucked in his pants.

Added to this quagmire is the risk of suffering mob justice. Trust me, if you scream “mwizi!”, even the guys who pinched millions from the National Youth Service will race to the scene and exterminate a goon who pinched a phone worth a mere Sh999.

In the circumstances, it is only fair that the playing field be levelled. All manner of thieves need to come together and form a trade union to fight for their rights. For instance, the moment an armed police officer enters any premises, a “cop aboard” sign should be hang outside.

Secondly, the rules of mob justice should be refined so that do-gooders taking on a suspect face him one by one. This business of 1,000 people stoning one skinny thief is against the rules of natural justice.

Third, these brothers need a Sacco where they can save money for use during difficult times. So far, the government only waives taxes and morgue fees for gangsters. That is not enough.