By Jennifer Karina

Recently, I met a young woman engaged to be married to her lover of seven years, who works abroad. He has no intention of relocating and they have agreed to have a long distance relationship of visiting one another twice a year. I wondered how the couple would manage the relationship. We’ve heard the cliché “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” so perhaps  it would work.

How absence affects relationships

Although I agree with this statement, I also recognise that there’s a thin line beyond which absence can be disastrous to a relationship.  Joyce, whose husband studied abroad and left her as a young wife and mother says distance made her heart grow fonder but at a price.  

A little absence will certainly make the heart grow fonder but long periods of absence will affect the relationship negatively. There are three primary needs in a marital relationship, sexual, emotional and recreational intimacy.  If one of these is absent in a relationship it might cause problems.

 Intellectual and spiritual intimacy is also important and it’s challenging to find fulfillment with an absent partner. If there is an imbalance in these levels of intimacy or even in one of these then the relationship will be wanting. Marriage is a gift from God intended for procreation, pleasure and companionship.

Challenges of a long distance

Trust issues

Trust is the glue that holds relationships together.

When partners are apart, insecurities and jealousies crop up in the relationship. One often wonders whether their partner is faithful and it can lead to unnecessary paranoia.

Infidelity

Even the best of lovers are susceptible to infidelity if they are away from each other for too long.  Just as you were attracted to your lover, it is possible to find yourself being attracted to another person.

There is nothing so special about your lover, if you both experienced the attraction what makes you think that it will not happen again. Attraction and love is spontaneous, before you know what’s happening, you are deep in it! And just like you, your partner may also get attracted to someone else.

Communication

Although there are plenty of modern alternatives to communication; phone calls, text messages, emails, and Skype, nothing can replace physical contact like face to face communication.

You may grow apart

Individuals grow and change continually in life in accordance with their developmental stage. When you live together, or dating, you will notice these changes as they happen, and both of you learn to grow and evolve together. However, when in a long distance relationship, you grow individually and it becomes harder to accept these changes as they become threatening to the partner.

If you are already in a long distant relationship, here are useful tips:

• Acknowledge your position.

• Establish ground boundaries.

• Have a vision and mission statement.

• Visit each other regularly and alternatively.

• Remember to work on trust.

•  Live your life; do not keep it on hold!

Finally, understand what you are getting into when you choose to commit to a long distance relationship.

Whatever your choice, be ready for the consequences. What is important is awareness, which helps bring reality to every situation.