Shirley Genga
She stands beside the bride on the wedding day, walks behind her and holds her train in place.
She carries the bride’s handkerchief in case she gets sweaty hands and holds her bouquet whenever necessary. All this work and you would think that it would put women off from jumping into these big shoes! On the contrary, there is something magical about a wedding day that makes every woman fantasise about being the best maid also known as maid of honour.
The labour quite diminishes in the face of the perks that come with the job. You will not only have an excuse to buy a new dress but you end up having a better dress than the other maids. You will get the best food selection, help decide on important things about the wedding with the bride, and get to ride in a classy car along with the bride.
Not only is being best maid glamorous, but it can also be likened to having front row seats to someone’s wedding. You are so close to everything that is going on it almost feels like you are the one getting married.
While being invited to be a best maid is one of the greatest honours in a wedding, it is usually a very tough decision for the bride to make.
Ann Nzilani says that picking a best maid turned out to be a little tricky for her.
"I got married last year and picking my best maid from my friends proved to be a huge challenge because I have many friends. When you are getting married everyone is expecting you to pick them and because you do not want to disappoint any, it can get quite tricky."
Who To Choose
Her decision to pick her only sister ended up being her saving grace. "I then assigned my close friends to overlook the whole ceremony and it worked out well," says Ann.
According to her, a best maid is meant to be your ‘go- to’ person, the person who understands you in and out, one who is a leader and can get things done when you are not available.
"You need someone who can make time to run around with you and go for things like dress fittings and make up trials and help you make important decisions. It has to be someone you respect and who is not afraid to provide advice when necessary."
She feels that one is not obliged to pick a married couple for best man and maid if they went through premarital counselling as any advice these will give will have been received.
"My husband and I were counselled so we did not have to pick a married couple to be in our line-up," says Ann.
Wrong Choice
Not everyone, however, is so lucky with their pick.
Maureen who had her wedding three years ago warns that picking the wrong person can make an otherwise beautiful day unbearable. She insists that the person should be picked based on their responsibility and capability, not just friendship.
Hers is a lesson borne of experience. When her husband proposed to her, she immediately knew she would pick her best friend and college room mate as her best maid. She, however, didn’t think her getting married before her friend, who had just got out of a seven-year relationship, could be her undoing.
"When I ended up getting engaged before her, I think she was a little bitter. I naively picked her to be my best maid and by the time I realised the mistake I had made, it was too late. She was lazy, never helped me with anything whether it was looking for a location or picking a tailor. She was just never around. I would move around from one shop to the other on my own."
At one point she was prepared to get rid of her but her mother and close friends advised her against it.
"Everyone in my family knew her and her family, as we had been best friends from our days back in primary school. If it were not for my other friends who took on the role of support managers, my wedding would have been a disaster. I was forced to act like nothing was wrong but since the wedding we have never been as close," says Maureen.
Further Maureen states that, there is so much work that goes on behind the scenes to make a wedding day a success. The job of the best maid and best man is to facilitate this.
"This is the reason you cannot have a best maid who only wants to sit pretty. Don’t just pick your best friend; pick a friend who is selfless and responsible," she stresses.
Traditions
Just like Maureen, Lucy had a terrible experience and was forced to pick a new best maid at the last minute.
"My family is very traditional. The lady I chose to be my best maid was separated from her husband and my family was against the idea of her being my best maid. They thought she would bring me bad luck and set a bad example. I held my ground but they treated her so badly. They would make ugly comments when she was around and openly go against her decisions. Finally she stepped down and my sister took her place at the lat minute," says Lucy.
Reverend Edward Karanja believes that one should always pick someone they are close to for best man or best maid.
"The ideal situation is to have a couple to not only be your best man and best woman, but to also guide you in the ways of marriage; but sometimes that is not possible. There is no need to pick a couple you do not even know just because you want the ideal. A best maid or man should be someone you are close to, a person who knows you well, someone who can help you with the wedding preparations, who can give you good advice; basically someone who is your friend," says Karanja.
