Kariuki Muthui

Sometimes I love books. Seriously. Other times, I don’t know. Like when I read interesting books through which I make interesting acquaintances with strange people.

Take for instance Getting the Love you want/A guide for couples by Harville Hendrix where strange people woke up on a sunny summer morning and said, "Honey! I will create a dialogue!" "What kind of dialogue?" asked Honey. "I don’t know baby. But I’ve been hearing ‘Imago’ in my head all morning."

Well it turns out ‘Imago’ is a Filipino rock band. It has even won some awards.

However, and to be fair, I think what Harville might have been thinking of when he came up with this Imago spiel is insects.

Imago is the name given to the last stage of development of an insect, when metamorphosis is complete. When I was in primary school, they told us it was called the adult stage.

So the ‘Imago Dialogue’ as conceived by Harville is, I suppose, a programme where adults pay a little money and learn how to exchange information like proper grownups.

The marketing slogan is ‘Take your relationship to a place you have never dreamed of’.

If you are in a relationship, marriage or whatever, you need to read this book. After you learn how your childhood still affects your marriage, there are some 16 exercises. That’s your homework.

Go through them step by gnarly step, reaching deep into your troubled soul and risking a heart attack from boredom. All the best.

Tricia Wanjala

This is one of the most highly recommended books out there, and is often mentioned by other authors as a reputable reference. Dr Harville Hendrix explores questions.

Sample this: "Why do some people fall in love with the intensity of seismic shock waves, seemingly at first glance? Why do others just ease into a love relationship gradually with a levelheaded friendship? And why do so many couples seem to have opposite personality traits? When we have the answers to these questions, we will also have our first clues to the hidden psychological desires that underlie intimate love relationships."

Hendrix and his wife have developed a theory of successful communication entitled ‘Imago Dialogue’, which outlines the three steps of dialogue - mirroring, validating, and empathising, designed to help couples achieve their optimal relationship potential.

I found this book too intense with psychological theories and case studies. It is more similar to a college textbook than a light relationship manual. However, for couples willing to put in the work and go through it step by step, I would say it is definitely worth it.