Practical love is here with us!

By Jimmy Juma

The scene is a restaurant at the heart of town; you are having your lunch one lazy Sunday when a stunning beauty walks in and sits at a table opposite yours. With your gaze inadvertently fixed on her, you are thinking, this must be the prototype for the perfect lady!

Suddenly you realise she is staring back, with keen interest, attraction even. Could it be love at first sight?

After your meal, you venture to say hi. One thing leads to another and progressively, years of mind-reeling roller coaster of romance is formed — through good and hard times.

Okay people, you can keep your heads in the clouds for only so long! All that romance stuff is a deceitful load of nonsense confined to the past (and the soaps)!

Ask your mum how she met your dad and she will probably delve into a long narrative about how he was the most handsome guy in their village (never mind he looks like a badly done wooden sculpture); how he was the smoothest talker, and most industrious guy (that is why they started with nothing and got to where they are!)

Are you done? Okay, now go to your married sister (especially one who is 35 or younger) and ask the same question. She will probably give you, in point form, the dos and don’ts of a happy marriage and trust me, none of these will agree with your mum’s views.

Unlike their mothers, contemporary women approach this dating thing with their brains and not their hearts. Whoever said that love is not rational!

Dating has become an investment decision. You must pre-plan to make it work. Women plan how their love lives are going to be like, years before the real events take place.

Guys, you are probably asking what your place in the overall scheme of things is. Well, let’s put it this way; you are not part of the planning, just part of the plan. Whereas in the past a relationship was a leap of faith, it is now a game of guarantee. If she is not sure you are going to provide for her, all those days at the gym, the trendy clothes and all that crap that won hearts in the past, is a waste of time. You might as well be building an ice castle in the Sahara Desert.

If you are reading this dismissively and thinking; ‘Yeah right, am I not the one who planned that surprise getaway that won her heart?’ my friend, you could not be more wrong. Look at it this way; if she knew you could not afford such a getaway, do you think she would ‘love’ you that much? I know it is hard to take, but she planned the getaway, not you.

But on the flip side, our women getting all practical on us is not as bad as it sounds. Consider all the hours spent from time immemorial trying to decode the woman’s mind. For a guy, a master’s degree in psychology or something would come in handy. The girl said ‘this’, but meant ‘that’. We were the practical ones, and look at how disadvantaged we were in this dating thing. After all is said and done, and women getting more practical by the day, the age-old riddle of what women want is becoming moot.

For the guys (romantics) who are wasting their time grieving at the death of romance as they knew it, and wondering where the rain started beating them, just remember, practical is predictable.