A fortnight ago, I wrote a tongue-in-cheek listicle, reminding 2016 graduates about the sad reality that awaits them after college, made worse by the most incompetent, corrupt government in the history of our nation. As usual, whatever little humour in that column, which was widely shared on Twitter, was missed by a bunch of Kenyan Twitter Feminists.
I had warned the women graduating that if not careful, they may wake up at 35 with no husband or kids, the better to balance things out.
I was not writing from a vacuum. I have met many women in their 30s who spent their younger and vibrant years chasing career, education, money and mostly dating skunks, only to panic when they hit 36 without a man on site.
I was not saying these things because I’m a man, a chauvinist or not. Naturally, there is a pattern that life follows. Anyone who veers off regrets it one way or the other. I will be the first to admit that marriage does not guarantee happiness. Far from it.
When it works, it is by far a better arrangement for all of us. We should stop glorifying single motherhood, and encourage both men and women to be there for their children, especially within a marriage set-up. Buoyed by the TV, feminist books, bad past choices and experiences or whatever, the feminists decided that I was full of it and called me out.
As usual, they were sarcastically dismissive but I’m old enough to know that even feminists don’t live by the higher standards they set for themselves. I also know of men who have become feminists, just but to sleep with the feminists. Getting a rational, well-intentioned feminist in Kenya is akin to finding an honest politician. Good luck.
I’m a better feminist than all the pretenders on social media, because I have done some good work covering the plight of women and girls and often, my work in a way has helped pull women up than their keyboard activism.
Kenyan Twitter feminists never did anything for women, other than get into petty arguments with men on twitter. But good enough, they are such a tiny minority and most women I know do not buy their bile. But we all know where the Kenyan feminists come from.
A lot of NGO money is thrown around and Kenyans can do anything, including changing their sexual orientation for the donor funding (I speak authoritatively here). I don’t judge, bills must be paid. But they must cut on the pretense.
Feminists come in five shades.
First, there is the pseudo-intellectual class. They read a few books written by feminists and they think they too should be feminists. The type that interprets every single text they read through the narrow feminist prism. They believe there is a conspiracy by men to keep women down. They forget that men are not having it any better. They can even pick a petty fight with a book written in 1920.
Second are those women who insist on dating bad boys, essentially skunks, who end up hurting them, beating them and, even worse, leaving them with a child. Not to blame them, some men are saints until they take in a woman. Some women of this class may decide to keep a grudge on all men afterwards by becoming deeply cynical and opposed to men. Especially if they are monied.
Third are women who were abused or saw their mother abused being abused by their fathers and they don’t want anything to do with men. I can’t comment on this; their anger may be justified.
Fourth are women who think feminism is a privileged space. But their feminism withers off after they hit 28, or meet a rich man in which case they shelve the equality stuff. And lastly are rent-seeking feminists, mostly in their late-30s, dread-locked who are in it for the money.
They are into conferences all over Coast and Naivasha researching on some dubious topics such as the place of women in the horticulture value chain, women in petroleum industry and women against Artic Glacier Melting.
All in all, my philosophy is that we both need each other. Let us stop hurting each other.
@nyanchwani
snyanchwani@gmail.com
