The local is still experiencing thinning traffic owing to regulars going through an-out-of-money, January experience.
The likes of Kang’ethe, the ‘old metal’, have escalated their kitabu ya deni, one might mistake his bar bill for Eurobond quid!
Kang’ethe has recently been missing in action from Wa-Hannah’s with the excuse that “Dr Koome instructed that I go slow on kachupa because my chest hair might start bleeding!”
Diameter, the political analyst, has also gone ‘underwater.’ His January bill is equivalent to a dental surgery fee!
Diameter has not been spotted by anyone, including his menacing landlord. But the last time Diamter called Nyambu, the retiring counter girl who claims his blood pressure has been ‘climbing up like beer prices’, he explained that he was in Likoni to acquire a title deed on behalf of his freedom fighter auntie who was a squatter on Waitiki Farm.
The connection between 1950s freedom fighters and the invasion of Waitiki Farm in 1997 are lost on us, but Diameter is not the only one with excuses that are challenging the value of 8-4-4 education.
Owish ‘Jakom’ sent a distress text to Nyambu after clearing a bottle of ‘Johnnie Mtembezi,’ which was gathering dust at the top shelf of the counter which Nyambu calls her office.
Owish explained that he was recovering from surgery of the scrotum after falling, crotch first, on a staircase rail! Couldn’t his case have been front-page news about a Kenyan who survived such a delicate, ball-balancing medical operation?
Kot-Kot is another one. Nyambu has been following his escapades on Facebook, but Kot-Kot also called with a cock and bull tale of woe. “I have been kidnapped by Boko Haram in Somalia,” explained Kot-Kot with several voices speaking in a language that didn’t sound like it had any alphabet. Facebook pictures on his page a few minutes after the call, however, had the background of Garissa Lodge in Eastleigh!
Papa English is on paternity leave from booze to take care of Sister Lucy, his wife who gave birth through ‘Kiserian-Section.’
Now the local has Nyambu ‘laying eggs’ at the counter, with Waka-Knife, the butcher, unsuccessfully pleading: “Nichekeshe na chupa ya Naps, mtu wangu!”
“Nikome vile ulikoma matiti ya mamako!” is Nyambu’s standard response.
