I am writing to you from Kampala. My ancestors must have come from this side and it’s a pity the colonial government failed to sort out the boundary issues in time.

It’s a new year, which is why I visited my ‘ancestral’ land to consult on a few issues regarding my new resolutions for 2016.

To start with, Kampala is congested with boda boda littering every corner of the streets, and the city is fast expanding.

The traffic here is crazy — there are too many cars fighting for space in the small city with very few roads. It is not strange to see a fashionable lady park her Mercedes ML only to jump onto a boda boda!

Economically speaking, it’s the same battle between the rich and the poor — not many are in the middle class category.

Crime is an issue, but mostly the petty kind — no hardcore criminals in Kampala. I guess it’s because of the ubiquitous police presence, whether in military uniform or in plain clothes. The police wear caps with their names and service numbers embroidered on the right sides.

Did you know that watchmen here are armed with rifles?

When it comes to food, Kampala is way ahead of Nairobi. Food here is natural, not the processed stuff in Nairobi...and it is served ‘properly.’ On several occasions, I’ve had to protest at the size of the ‘mountain’ on my plate! But this is often met with a reprimand from the ladies who do not fail to remind me that ‘I am a man,’ and therefore ‘should eat like a man, not like some small girl in primary school!’

I now understand why our ladies back in Nairobi prefer men from this region and West Africa who are nourished and nurtured with so much energy-packed food. Nairobi men seem to have a weakness for chips and sausage, hence their lack of energy.

Pork is popular here, there are joint selling the stuff at almost every corner. Some joints are small and dingy and are commonly referred to as Kafundas.

Nairobi is rumoured to be the East African home of malls. But wait till you get to Kamapala, where there is a mall and a supermarket after every few metres. I must have counted more than 20 brands of supermarkets in the town.

The social life here is way ahead of Nairobi’s. People, especially the ladies, prepare to go ‘clubbing’ like it’s a ceremony.

Unlike in Nairobi where most people go clubbing after work, here you will see many rushing home to freshen up and change cloths before rushing back to party with friends.

Chicks here like donning fancy dresses, not ‘funny’ outfits that are common with our lasses in Nairobi. I visited Guvnor Club. The place gets packed until 7am.

I was escorted to the VIP section of Guvnor where I interacted with the most sought out group, dubbed the Rich Gang. These are rich Ugandans who live in South Africa and only troop back home in December to throw big parties.

But one thing I noticed is that chicks here adore ‘Ssebos’ who are liquid — they are more than gold-diggers. Nairobi chicks like being independent, that’s why they work very hard for their daily bread.