The local is gearing up for the Christmas holidays even in the face of increased booze prices. Nyambu the counter girl with tu-Linda Ogutu, and who dreams of one day giving birth at the Vatican City in Italy, has outdone herself in sprucing up Wa-Hannah’s.

And while the illiteracy of having attended a harambee mixed-day and boarding school will one day kill Nyambu since there has never been any recorded birth at the Vatican (due to that small matter of not having a maternity there), Nyambu has portrayed her artistic side in re-branding the local’s interior.

She has also introduced Xmas cocktails with fancy names and lethal results. The main counter has been renamed ‘’Jezebel’s Boobs,’ with the sina tabu seats that have long stool legs shaped like a real ‘Jaber’ from Kanyam-Kago village in Western Kenya.

It is at Jezebel’s Boobs that Owish has decided to show inflation his middle finger by swilling tots of hot drinks with names like ‘Delilah’s Tits,’ ‘Bloody Magdalene’ and ‘Horny Pilate’s Wife.’

The smoking zone bordering the matchbox size unisex urinal has been named ‘Lung of Judas.’ It is from here that Miss Penny puffs away at her Dunhill cancer sticks, blowing snaking plumes from her pencil-thin lips in screaming red lipstick you might mistake her mouth for a cat that had drunk fresh blood at the Dagoretti slaughter house.

Miss Penny, in the spirit of yuletide, has been ordering ‘Adam’s Screw Driver’ which she prefers mixing with ‘Eve’s Balls’... which is Nyambu’s idea of ice cubes.

Owish now sits at the corner named Herod’s Bitch (although there are no women there) and where he swills copious glasses of ‘Lot’s Wife.’

Never mind ‘Lot’s Wife’ is a certain Russian spirit mixed with honey and hot water.

“Does Jesus celebrate Christmas?” asks Owish to no one in particular, perhaps ‘Lot’s Wife.’

Silence.

Since prices of beer shot to Sh250, the local is like a library.

Diameter, the political analyst, is seated opposite Owish. He is sipping at a very elongated glass of ‘Horny Pilate’s Wife.’

“Did Jonah in the Bible really swallow the whale?” wonders Diameter.

That is how Nyambu knows ‘Pilate’s Wife’ is really horny inside Diameter’s head.