10 cheers for deadbeat dads

We all know that anyone can have a child, but it takes a man to be a daddy. With one out of every five children being raised by toto mamas, you are bound to wonder why a man would just walk away from his family. 

Well, we wondered...and we asked. What we’ve learnt is that there are instances when a man can justifiably take a walk and leave the woman and kids behind. Here are 10 reasons:

1.Hello, I am married

Not all, but most single mothers who sire with married men, should not expect a penny from these men who are already taken. A man who is bogged down by another family, mortgage and stuff, is better left alone. After all, we were having fun...then you spoilt it by getting paged!

2. I was too young then...

What would drive a 19-year-old campus student to hit the sheets bila cover with a 25-year-old who shaves ‘down-under’ twice? For starters, these tu-boys are still trying to land a stable job and in most cases, are not sure what they want to be in life. These are the same men you find in a bar sipping one beer till 5am. Ladies, kindly, don’t cry a river when you announce you are paged and he vanishes. Love might be blind, but it ain’t stupid!

3.  I am a senior citizen 

Why should a 22-year-old sleep with a 50-year-old geezer for Pete’s sake? This mzee can’t do kindergarten open days (or pay their fees) anymore!

4. I am married to the church

Women know Catholic priests aren’t allowed to marry, yet they still lure them all the way to the maternity ward. If you want to trap a man of the cloth, kindly consider a pastor from the Bare Chest Tabernacle instead.

5. That is too much to ask...

If a man is willing to contribute Sh5K monthly, accept it bila fujo ya Children’s Court. But demanding half his salary is devilishly selfish.

6. You are a drama queen

If you are a baby mama to a loaded dude, please don’t threaten, abuse or deface his Beamer or rush to tell his wife. Don’t go to his work place and climb atop the Beamer naked like meat in a butchery. Embarrassing a man only hardens his heart to not pay.

7. You have zero adabu

If you’re a toto mama to a married man, show some respect to his wife. His family comes first. Accept and live with it, even if you can’t move on. Calling his long-suffering wife or posting pictures of the child on her WhatsApp won’t change a damn thing. Having taken an interest to sleep with you ‘leather-to-leather’ was enough.

8. Married and still wants child support?

Well, you made a mistake and had a baby with a man you didn’t love. Now you are happily married, why ask your baby daddy for child support?

9. Uchumi ni mbaya, Miss Babes

Why do you think Baba is talking himself hoarse about Okoa Kenya? It’s because life is expensive; we’re over taxed. I could be hustler ambaye ame beat. So, elewa mrembo.

10. I was trapped

Sometimes a man looks at a child a woman claims he fathered and wonders...the child is too bright, he is too athletic, he is too good looking, that possibly can’t be mine! Can’t pay, won’t pay.

@DavidOdongo