Embarrassing ways in which people die

You rather die young than grow up and shame your creator by dying a shameless death. A couple of Kenyan men have kicked the bucket in rather shameful ways.

Many of these deaths are so embarrassing that their kin choose not to reveal the cause of their death. And only refer to surrounding circumstances as “mysterious”, lest they scandalise the entire family.

Take the case of prominent man who passed on some time back after he allegedly overdosed on Viagra. How do you reveal the cause of such a death? A scandal! As you ponder over that, spare a thought for the family of an octogenarian in Mombasa who, some time early last year, died of cardiac arrest in the throes of passion with a youthful lover. The youthful woman revealed that the old man began “breathing strangely” and “producing funny sounds”. But she thought he was enjoying the ‘honey’ she was serving and, instead, encouraged him on.

Before long, the old man began gasping for breath as he convulsed.  And before she knew it, he was dead! Just imagine! Of course, the cause of death was in the public domain, but family and friends could only discuss it in hushed tones.        

It even gets worse, if the deceased in such a case is a man of God. Not long ago, a pastor died in a woman’s house in a Nairobi estate. To make matters worse, he was on her bed, in his birthday suit. I mean, who dies that way? Of course, not just his secret lover, colleagues and his family got embarrassed by the death, but also his creator, or so it’s believed.

It got more scandalous when rumours and allegations of his death having been necessitated by overdose on a sex enhancing drug — Viagra — began flying around. That he has a wife, children and grandchildren made it a proper scandal. Claims that he died while praying (in the nude?) for his alleged partner in crime, gave it a humorous twist.

DIED IN A BEDROOM MARATHON

A man of God? Dead in a woman’s bed? And naked to boot? Only one thing came to the minds of most Kenyans; an act of rod gone awry! This must have been a proper bedroom marathon, many Kenyans imagined. How do you even eulogise such? He died in line of duty?

It is not in contention that dying while eating the ‘other food’ is a scandal. How about dying while participating in a real eating competition?

News that a winner of an eating competition died immediately he was crowned his title is the kind of stuff comedy is made of. Isn’t it? Believe it or not, such embarrassing deaths abound not just in Kenya but abroad, too. One wonders whether such people are supposed to be given decent send offs.

A man in the USA chocked on live cockroaches to death after downing dozens of them during a contest early last month, an autopsy revealed. Shockingly, the grand prize in the competition was a python.

Edward Archbold, 32, of West Palm Beach died as a result of “asphyxia due to choking and aspiration of gastric contents,” according to the report released by the Broward County medical examiner‘s office.

EATING COMPETITION

Archbold died after downing the bugs as well as worms during the ‘Midnight Madness bug-eating competition’ at Ben Siegel Reptile Store in Deerfield Beach, about 40 miles north of Miami.

Archbold became ill minutes after the contest and collapsed in front of the store. He was taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.

During the competition, Eddie was eating so many live roaches he had to cover his mouth to keep them from crawling out. He allegedly swallowed most of them whole and still alive. He munched more than 60 grams of mealworms, 35 three-inch-long ‘super worms’ and a bucket of discoid roaches, according to The Miami Herald.

Eddie — father to two daughters aged six and nine — wanted to win the competition so he could give the grand prize of an $850 (Sh73,380) ivory ball python to his friend as a present.

But he started vomiting and collapsed shortly after winning.

Prior to the autopsy result Dr Bill Kern, a professor of entomology at the University of Florida, had speculated it might have been an allergic reaction to the large amount of ‘strange proteins’ that killed the 32-year-old.

None of the other 30 competitors fell ill after the contest and store manager Ben Siegel‘s attorney said the roaches were all raised in sterile conditions and were perfectly safe to eat.

DRINKING CONTEST

A couple of weeks ago in Embu, a beer drinking contest ended tragically after a participating teacher died for excessive consumption of the drink. Mugo had taken a Sh200 bet and vowed to quaff four bottles of the highly intoxicating spirit dry — without diluting it.

Unfortunately, just after finishing his third bottle, he collapsed and began convulsing. Interestingly, other revellers began cheering him urging him to finish the fourth one, thinking he had just added a dramatic twist to the competition to make it more entertaining.

When it hit the organisers that Mugo had fainted, they rushed him to a nearby dispensary but efforts to resuscitate him were futile. He didn’t make it.

Being jailed for having killed your neighbour over vegetables is equally embarrassing. Mid last month, a man was arrested in Kawangware Estate, Nairobi and arraigned in court for having killed his neighbour following a tiff over sukuma wiki.

The accused had allegedly let his goats stray into a garden belonging to the deceased and fed on his sukuma wiki. The deceased was angered and whipped the goats; something that annoyed the accused. The accused, in return, picked a stone, which he used to hit — hard — the deceased on the head. The deceased collapsed. Upon being rushed to hospital, he was pronounced dead on arrival.    

Mid last year, tucked in the middle pages of The Standard newspaper was a startling story from Naivasha. A 71-year-old man, accompanied by his 17-year-old son had hacked his 66-year-old neighbour to death, claiming he seduced his 55-year-old wife. The man accused the neighbour of wrecking his 33-year old marriage. His wife escaped from the scene leaving his lover lying in a pool of blood after the attack.

KILLED BY GIRLFRIEND’S FATHER

Allegedly, the man and his son waylaid the lovers as they came from a nearby bar at 11pm. According to a motorcycle operator James Muigai, the two lovers entered a bar and had some drinks before leaving at around 11pm.

“They asked me to take them home, since the woman’s husband, and her lover were just neighbours, I didn’t know which home to go to.

“But as I was at the woman’s gate dropping the two love birds, the incensed husband appeared and slashed the man on the head twice before going for the woman who slithered away during the melee.”

On his part, the man said his intention was to cut off the ear of the trader and his wife to teach them a lesson.

“My next door neigbour has been having an affair with my wife for more than three years. I just wanted the man to stand still as I cut off his ear, but he kept on moving and the panga slid and cut him in the head,” said the man.

A man recently died after the father of a girl he was in love with hit him on the head with a bottle. James Nzilu Musyoka, 38, bled to death in the suspect’s compound from the stab wound in the neck afflicted by a bottle shard in Ngalange Village, Tseikuru, in Kitui County.

The deceased was a former General Service Unit Officer, paid his girlfriend — Ndanu Muthui — a visit at her father’s home while the old man was in the farm. The deceased was drunk and sleeping on a mkeka (mat) in the girl’s house when her father returned to find him and killed him.

Tales have been told of some Meru men who dispatch wives to the other world on most trivial of things. An urban legend has it that some of them are so short tempered that they lose their heads in short order. For instance, the legend has it that upon a husband returning home, wives are encouraged to be very quick in cooking and serving food.

Failure to which, such an angry and hungry husband can easily pick a machete and slit the wife’s throat. And that of any other person in the kitchen — for being guilty by association — on pretext on delaying his meal.

DELAYING TO SERVE MEAL

So just imagine how it will sound when news break that a woman in Meru has been hacked to death by her husband for delaying to serve him a meal. One word describes such a death; embarrassing.

Folks, take care, life is too precious to be lost just like that on flimsy basis. You better die young than grow up and shame your creator.