- It goes without saying that men should show affection and care for their mothers
- But men’s relationship with their wives should supersedes that of their mothers
- Your wife should always come first
Quite a few mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationships are sticky.
The sad part - for most Kenyan households - is that when a man’s wife and mother squabble, the man takes his mother’s side. I see it happening all the time.
It is wrong to side with your mother over your wife. The secret to a happy marriage is to put your spouse first.
It is not just in arguments. Sometimes men have difficult decisions to make and seek opinions of the women in their lives. More often than not, he will take his mother’s advice over his wife’s.
When will men learn that their wives should come before their mothers? Your wife is numero uno. Number one.
Your wife should always come first. Before you get married, it is okay to take your mother’s side and follow her advice and opinions.
However, once you get hitched, your wife automatically becomes your first priority. Your wife’s opinions and input should take precedence.
It is unbecoming of a man to seek his mother’s opinion over issues of his life or his household when he has a wife.
I don’t care how tight you are with your mom, but once you become someone’s husband, that behaviour needs to stop.
I am not saying that you should disregard your mother altogether. I am saying that you should never allow your mother to come before your wife.
Unfortunately, a lot of African mothers are very possessive of their sons. They know no boundaries.
They have it in their heads that they should come first in their son’s lives even after they get married. They undermine the wife every chance they get to assert their dominance.
Consequently they cause a lot of friction between them and the wives and may lead to them locking horns.
When this happens most men, against their better judgement, choose to side with their mothers.
Lucky you if you have an understanding mother who recognises the role of our wife in your life and you never have to take sides.
But if it ever comes down to that, pick your wife’s side. Stand up for her. Support her even if it means openly opposing the woman who gave birth to you.
Mothers-in-law will sometimes subconsciously or consciously be competitive with their daughters-in-law and it is up to you as a man to show them who comes first, and that is your wife.
Your relationship with your wife should compare with the relationship with your mother.
If you are ever caught in the middle of a disagreement between your mother and your wife, do the right thing and support your wife.
She is your soul mate; the one you are sharing your life with. When you married her, you took a vow to put her above all others and that includes your mother.
She deserves your unconditional support. Your wife should never have to compete for your time and attention with your mother.
Of course you should show affection and care for your mother but your relationship with your wife supersedes the relationship between you and your mother.
