Help! Our house help infected me

I am a Form One student and I think I have a sexually transmitted disease. I have had sex with our house girl. It was my first time, but she seemed as if she was used to it.

Urinating has become a problem because I feel so much pain that sometimes I cry in the toilet. I have also noticed some bumps with puss around my private parts and I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell my parents because they will kill me. What do I do?
{Jonnie}

Your Say
Jonnie, it is time you stopped keeping your condition private; otherwise, the situation will worsen. Neither should you expect a miracle healing because without medication, it will recur. Your parents love you and will not hesitate to help you. You need to see a urologist and once this is done, consider abstaining from sex. {Stanley Kipruto arap Tungo, Nairobi}

Jonnie, you really need help and your parents have to play a role. Open up and tell them the truth. Irrespective of how much they scold you, they will help you. You will have to see a doctor soon because venereal infections worsen with time. {Justus Rabach, Ndhiwa}

Your situation will worsen as you continue keeping quiet. Mothers often keep secrets, so open up to her and she will help you get medication. {Benson Migiro, Nairobi}

Jonnie, you are in a serious dilemma that needs urgent attention.  If you fear your parents, talk to a teacher, counsellor or anybody you are comfortable with. Most importantly, see a doctor. You cannot wish this away, you have to deal with it; otherwise you will have to live with dire consequences. {Alex Obutu, Kisii University}

Jonnie, the mistake can’t be reversed. Keeping quiet will worsen the situation. The best way is to approach a close relative, such as your uncle, who can help you talk to your parents or access medical attention. {Eric Achong’a, Busia}

Sorry for your condition. You first need to accept that you need help. Some venereal diseases are dangerous and can even cause mental problems or make you sexually inactive. Be courageous and discuss it with your parents for financial assistance on medication.  {Dennis Kimanthi}

The Counsellor’s Say
Jonnie, you are definitely infected and you need to seek help urgently. At this stage, it may just be an infection that can be treated with a few pills and injections. But if it is left unattended, it could degenerate into a disease that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

Nonetheless, I appreciate your fear that your parents might kill you should they get wind of this matter, but if this is not taken care of early, it could just as well kill you. Sometimes we just have to walk through the fire because there may be no other way.

To get this sorted, you may need two things: Money and support. Some of the people you can talk to about this would include your dad, an older brother, a cousin or an uncle. A man will be more supportive and less judgmental on you. It is probably not a big deal and it can be sorted out without much ado.

Nonetheless, you now know the dangers of having unprotected sex. Any one or all of these people will be happy to help you out this time, but may not take it kindly next time. That notwithstanding, unprotected sex puts you at risk of getting infected with HIV, which not even a willing family member or friend can sort out. I will tell you not to have sex but if you have to, practise safe sex — always have some condoms in your wallet; they may one day save your life.

Lastly, please share your predicament with her. Tell her what you are going through and do not be judgmental on her. Encourage her to seek and access treatment because she may not know that she is infected. Some of these infections take longer, sometimes even years, to manifest in women, who many continue infecting others without knowing.