She demands an expensive wedding

I’m 32 and my fiancé is 27. Our wedding date is set for August this year. I thought I would be happy about this, but it is only stressing me because she and her friends are making the wedding too expensive. Our initial budget was Sh300,000, but this has shot up to Sh610,000 currently.

Her justification is that friends and family should contribute to our wedding just like we do in theirs. Initially we wanted a small wedding because we are not financially stable. We had planned to contribute a third of the initial budget, but now it seems our contribution may go up to Sh350,000, which is way above my means.

She will hear nothing about cutting costs arguing that we are compromising on quality. She has threatened to boycott the wedding if we go with cheaper service providers, never mind that she is not contributing anything.

She has become unreasonable, sometimes even insulting my manhood — I have had to put up with a lot. This is not the beautiful and understanding girl I was dating. I want to get out of this.   

{Ochieng}

Your take:

If she is not helping to finance the wedding, why allow her to stress you for an expensive wedding? People even go to the AG Chambers and get married at a minimal cost. Marriage should not be built on fantasies, but on mutual understanding between the two of you, and not at the disposal of one of you.

{Onyango Outha}

The quality of your marriage isn’t expressed in the amount of money you will spend at the wedding, but the kind of life both of you will live afterwards. If she is threatening to quit because the wedding is cheap, then she may not stand by you in times of hardships, as the marriage will require. Be conscious about the person you want to marry.

{Kibwaga Cyrus}

Relationships and marriages prosper on three things; love, understanding and communication. She has communicated what she wants, but you need to explain to her that there is still a life to live after the wedding. She may not be mature enough to become a wife. Remember it is better and much easier breaking up a relationship than a marriage.

{Walela Barasa}

Why are you allowing her friends to poke their noses in your private life? Stand by your principles and if she does not want to be part of a wedding that you can afford, let her face the consequences. These are signs that even in your marriage you will not be able to control her.

{Kighambo Danson}

Your fiancé seems to be a lavish spender who will do anything at any expense just to please others. Insist on having a simple wedding that will enable both of you save some money that will start you off in your new marriage life. She should also consider your future, not just the present.

{Felix – Oyugisnet}

If she is already difficult now, then she will be even worse when she becomes your wife.

Do not succumb to her demands. If she cannot fit within your budget, then let her go and look for someone who can. Look for an understanding woman.

{Tasma Charles}

My take:

Ochieng, this is happening everywhere, not just in your relationship. Weddings have become emotional affairs and are marketed as the most important day in a woman’s life. Therefore, whatever the bride wants, the bride gets.

Africans have copied this concept from the West with a lot of ignorance about the general assumptions of a wedding, key of which include  the bride’s family finances the wedding.

Nonetheless, we shall deal with the situation as it is — not as it ought to be.

Want what you can afford

Principally, the bride usually has no worries about the budget because one, that is the groom’s responsibility, and two; she has a committee to help with planning and fundraising.

However, in the current times, if she wants a more expensive wedding, she ought to lead the pack by digging deeper into her pockets before asking others to do so.

Everyone would want to have an extravagant wedding, but these are often very expensive. Even where family and friends are willing to contribute, the wedding couple ought to contribute a significant part of the budget; not come up with high budgets and loading them on others.

Threatening to boycott

If for any reason she feels she doesn’t want to be part of the wedding, she has the option of walking away. But I guarantee you, she is just using that statement to put pressure on you to give in to her demands.

You can tell her to call off the wedding until “you” are in a position to finance a better or more expensive wedding. Trust me, she will play ball. As they say, he who pays the pipper calls the tune; take control of the situation and make wise decisions.

{Taurus}