By Ally Jamah
Last Tuesday, a ten-year-old pupil in Othaya committed suicide after a dispute with his parents.
Earlier this year, in Maraba village in Nandi County, a man left his neighbours paralysed with shock when he hacked his mother to death after a heated domestic dispute.
On the same day in Eldoret town, another man slew his wife during an angry dispute, when she confronted him for allegedly misappropriated money she sent him to collect from her father’s rental houses.
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These are just a few instances of how far people can go when they are unable to control their anger. Sadly, such violent expressions of anger recur with depressing regularity.
Now psychologists in Kenya warn that poor management of our natural instinct of anger comes with a high price to individuals, families and society.
Loss of Life
"Learning to manage our anger may seem simple but it is a big problem in our country since it is leading to unnecessary loss of life, property and happiness," says Philip Odiyo, a psycho-oncologist who practices in Nairobi.
Odiyo, a mind and emotions expert, asserts that more than ever before, Kenyans need to understand how to express their anger in a healthy way without being driven by it to commit regrettable crimes.
"Some people suppress their anger for so long and eventually when they explode, they do horrible things such as killing a family member, friend, spouse or co-worker. They have not learned how to express it in a proper way," he explains.
Such cases of explosive anger that drive an otherwise sober individual to commit a gruesome crime is always a subject of wonder and amazement to many Kenyans.
According to John Gacheru, a psychotherapist at the Amani Counselling Centre in Nairobi, anger is a powerful drive that needs to be managed, yet many Kenyans are poor in anger management.
"You can tell that from the high incidences of anger-driven crimes and the conflicts in our homes and work places that we are poor in managing our anger. This should be a big concern to all of us," he says.
Pushy People
Gacheru says many people in the country may be having an underlying "anger problem" which they need to resolve, terming it a waiting time bomb that may lead them to regrettable acts in future.
"When you notice that you react angrily at the slightest inconvenience or take out your frustrations on other people, you need to take your anger problem seriously and seek professional help. Otherwise, it may land you in big problems," he says.
Gacheru explains that anger isn’t a bad thing in itself, but what matters is how you act when you are angry.
On his part, Odiyo points out that expressing your anger in an assertive — not aggressive — manner is healthy.
"To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others," he says
According to experts, the goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes.
Control your Reactions
"You can’t get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions," Odiyo told The Standard.
Gacheru suggests that whenever you are involved in a situation where temperatures are likely to rise to boiling point, the best strategy is to just walk away instead of digging in and escalating the situation.
"In the heat of an argument, it is almost impossible to think straight," Odiyo explains.
Don’t suppress Anger
Suppressing anger may not be the best method of managing it because the long time effects of accumulated anger may not be helpful to your health.
If you have experienced any of the following vital signs, then you are likely to have suppressed anger and the best thing is to solve the problem.
Restlessness: The effect is that you are not happy with yourself or the other person who caused the anger for you. Your best strategy here is to remain calm and be on top of the situation.
Judgmental: You judge others and find fault in them. You also consider yourself to be right all the time. Have an open mind and be less judgmental. Reason from the other person’s point of view.
High tendency to violence: Due to your inability to express the anger, the probability to turn violent is very high. Since you are aware of this, you may leave the scene without hurting anybody.
Depression: You feel depressed and unwanted and may harm yourself if no solution is proffered on time. Suppressing anger is a temporary measure of managing your anger but the long-term effect of anger suppressed on the person may be worse than expressing the anger in the first place.
Find ways of positively expressing your anger. Do this by remaining calm, have an open mind, be happy, leave the scene and remove depression from your mind.
